This is absolutely no ones business, really... but who cares?

[VR3]

Ok... about a year or so ago I stopped going to my Dad's house, various reasons - mainly because I know who my Dad is, and to me I have him as an example of something I dont want to be and I can follow that example at a distance.

Ok... so now a year later, my sister is off to college and about to turn 18. So my Dad is ready to stop paying part child insurance... thats ok, its legal and all...

But he wants to drop me too, along with insurance coverage on me and all this BS... He pretty much wants to save him some cash - it isnt that he can't afford it - he is looking at 5-6,000 dollar amps, has a new truck, all that stuff...

So my question is, is there any possible way my fool of a father can win in a court case on dropping child support and not paying half of unpaid medical bills? Because that is what he is attempting to do - all of which he agreed to 10 years ago by contract...

I don't see what he thinks he can accomplish, but curiosity gets me - are their loop holes? The stupidity and sheer amounts of concededness behind this is astonishing to me...

Curious I am...

[amulford]

I don't know about your state, but in NJ he can't drop your insurance. If he can insure himself or gets it through work, he has to carry you on the policy. He also has to insure your sister as long as she is a full time student.

I think your Mom can stop this. Tell her to have a consultation with a lawyer to find out her options. It'll cost a little bit, but it will be worth it. She'll be better prepared to take him to court.

Don't let him shirk his responsibility. He's obligated.

[Polk addict]

There are ways he can, but doesn't look like he has a good chance of it. He needs to have a good reason, like if he can't afford to, or if there are insurance circumstances. But that's pretty much all I know.

[VR3]

We are preparing for court, yes...

He agreed to pay half of all unpaid medical bills - which he has never done. So while we are there, we will get that too, or atleast try to.

His whole basis of this is "You (my Mom) have poisoned the minds of my children to hate me."

If only he understood that HE is a jackass...??

[swerve]

Just prepare prepare prepare.
I went through something similar and I'm 19 now... mom took him to court and he has to pay what he owes plus SOME PLUS 3/4ths of college and medical bills. I've never be insured by him though but usually they don't mess around with people like our fathers.

[amulford]

Doesn't matter if you like him or not. He has to pay. If he isn't careful, your mother could ask for more child supprt while she's there on the basis of those bills.

He better watch his step, I've seen men put in jail for less.

[VR3]

Amulford,
I'm glad you told me that, that is what we figured. Apparently, lawyers have told him he has a case? Who knows... He could plead insanity?? hehe...

All my Dad sees is $_$

[Polk addict]

Yup!!

[disneyjoe7]

I'm not sure but I don't think your dad is standing on solid ground trying to drop you for insurance reasons, hope it all works out for you and your mom.

[ND13]

They don't play that game in Indiana. They'd throw his deadbeat ass in jail, make him work while in, and the money he earns goes to your family til he's caught up.

[VR3]

Hes not behind, and he dosn't have money issues. Like I said, new car, buying houses all the time to resale - its just he thinks my Mom has poisoned us...

Hes LOONY I tell you...

[danger boy]

Sid are you 18 yet? then he has to continue to pay your bills, no matter what they are till you turn 18. simple as that.

[venomclan]

I am not sure about your exact situation, but I can tell you how it went for me.

After my parents divorced when I was 1, my dad ripped us off on child support. My mom took him back to court and got 4 times what he was giving us before. In NY, the law stated that as long as I was a full time student (college) he has to pay child support until I was 21 and had to keep me on his insurance until I was 23.

Look into your state laws and good luck.
Venom

[ND13]

Hes not behind, and he dosn't have money issues. Like I said, new car, buying houses all the time to resale - its just he thinks my Mom has poisoned us...

Hes LOONY I tell you...

But he still wants to get out of paying, so in my book that makes him a deadbeat, plain and simple. He was integral in putting your ass here on earth, so he's responsible for you til your out of college. If he hasn't paid what he agreed to in the contract,i.e. medical bills, then he is behind.

[Demiurge]

I'm always interested in hearing the other side of things as well. Sure it's as cut and dry as this?

He's still your dad, and if something between your parents is making things rough on you it always sucks (I've been there) and it sure as hell isn't fair.

It's crap if he's purposely trying to screw you over, but chances are you don't know the details (and you shouldn't); and if your mom is feeding you stuff it's likely only one side of the argument/battle. You should do what you can (when you can) to just remove yourself from that B.S.

I'm speaking from personal experience and while this is a VERY heavy issue you've got to do what's best for you and let your parents hurt eachother if that's what they want to do...and while that's hard enough you can't blame yourself for it either. Fun, eh?

I'll put it this way...be thankfull you're almost 18 and you weren't 7 when this kind of B.S. was going on.

Obviously don't know the details, etc. and I don't care to know, but I don't get the impression he's a deadbeat like so many are quick to label. See too many fathers getting bashed out there while the women get it all (the kids, the money, the house, etc.) while Dad has to start over. While it's not fair to take it out on you (if he is), I can see where it'd be damn easy to lose it myself.

[bknauss]

Wow, its nice to be out on my own and not have to worry about this crap anymore! Turning 18 and then graduating college are two wonderful events in the life of a person with divorced parents.

[Zero]

Demi,

Your words have merit - but in this case, we are dealing with a dead-beat.

[kingtut]

Trey, make sure your mom has a good lawyer on your side. In CA, the law favors the mother and children; w/a good lawyer, your dad would pay through his nose.

[Polkersince85]

Trey, get the latest book "Second Chances" by Judith Wallerstein. You'll be glad you did in the long run. It may take years to realize what is going on. Live your own life and let your parents live theirs.

[VR3]

The problem with trying to make this situation between my parents is the whole fact it is about me. My Dad is pretty much trying to screw me over - or more the less make my life harder due to the fact that I disowned him pretty much.

I have a 27 page long email between me and him to prove it. The first day he started this, I sent him a 2-3 page email explaining my side, and although it was harsh - its like they say, the truth hurts.

This is an email response from him to me just to show you what I mean... He is loony as hell...

"You are very near a man, TG Hopefully you will do all things you desire. I understand how you feel about me and I appreciate you putting it into writing. It will be excellent evidence to make my point in court should this end up there. I hate this all has occurred and that you have picked the wrong team. But you have and we are finished as far as I am concerned so don't waste any time thinking about me man because I accept the way you feel. You have every right to make your bed and lie in it. I regret it but I don't think you understand all the sacrifices you just made for you and your beloved mother. If you ever need me I will save you the call. The answer is a firm NO. You will be totally dis-inherited by next week this day I promise."

[reeltrouble1]

Trey, wow, very brave of you to put that note from your Dad out here like that. Had to hurt some getting words from him like that. Lots of little clues in those words and some just smack you the face statements. Seems your Parents have a problem and you by the nature of being their son are drawn into it. I am sorry, your Dad really needs some help, but its up to him. Try not to draw to many lines in sand.

One thing, remember, Membership in a family is not voluntary. He will always be your Father, that is inescapeable. Your Mom from what I have seen you write in the past has been pretty rock steady, keep talking to her.

God Bless All of You.

RT1

[cfrizz]

Sorry for what you are going through Trey. However, it sounds like you have solid support from your Mom.

That letter must have hurt like hell, and I urge you to talk to a counselor yourself to try to keep things in perspective so that YOU stay on track with what you plan for your life.

As for the court battle, make sure your Mom gets a lawyer, no family court will allow your father to just abdicate his responsibilites towards you.

You just focus on school & helping your Mom out as best you can.

Cathy

[audiobliss]

Wow. Sad story, for sure. Also an all too common one. Hope things work out in your favor.

[faster100]

Trey keep your head up, That letter sucked for me to read.. Nothing like being tossed to the side because he seemingly dislikes your mom so much and you love and support her feelings.. I would remove my self from the whole court portion, your what? 16 you do not need to be worrying about such things.. although you are almost 18 its still alot on a young guys shoulders.. worry about school and your mom and family and sad to say but forget about anybody who talks to you like that! specially your father..

[jdhdiggs]

Hey Sid, you got my support for what it's worth...

I'd also say that he really can't do anything to you on the financial side. Regardless of state, he MUST pay child support until your 18. I also seriously doubt the contract he signed about the insurance had a clause stating "as long as he likes me".

You and your mother are on the solid ground. His lawyers say he has a case just because they want to bill him $200/hr. to try and prove it, nothing more.

Stay calm and try to relax, you should be fine. Consult a lawyer for their opinion as well just to be safe.

Take care!

[ND13]

Trey,

From what I read in that excerpt, you are MUCH better off not having any contact with him. I won't even call him your dad, he's just the sperm donor. That's about as cold and calculated of a response as I think I've read or seen. "I'm glad you put it in writing because I can use it as evidence against you and your mom" is freakin cold and harsh as hell. I know that wasn't verbatum, but it's the gist of the statement.

I sincerely wish that you and he could have a rewarding relationship, but it doesn't look as though that will ever occur, now that things like that have been thrown in the mix. Some people were just never meant to be parents, and he seems to have fallen into that category.

Good luck!!

[PolkThug]

Ugh, that sucks. He(dad) associates "needing him" with money. Very sad.

I've never had to ask my dad for money once I started making my own, and I doubt you will either.

Regards

[Ron-P]

Sorry to hear Sid. I don't have much to add or say other then best of luck to ya.

[kingtut]

Trey, Cathy is right. I'm sorry you got caught up in all of this mess. You should talk to a counselor just to get your feelings out; it'll make you feel better. Concentrate in school and the girls at school to take your mind off this. Use this experience as a motivation to excel academically and get to a good college to begin a bright future ahead.

[PolkThug]

I know several people that never got along with their parents at all until they were in their twenties. Thats just they way things work sometimes.

[madmax]

Obviously have your mom pursue receiving promised payment the deadbeat owes.

If it were me I would try to add on future college expenses. I think you can do that in a seperate court of law. Put HIM on notice. Pretty much if he is going to act like this the he can expect to loose more and more.

madmax

[steveinaz]

Sorry about your situation brother. I respect the way you are handling things and how you've had to reset your priorities. Some people just don't get it, what a shame, really, for them.

Best of luck and keep your chin up bubba.

[Ricardo]

Sorry to hear this whole thing; as difficult as it might sound, try to isolate yourself from the whole situation; keep supporting your mom, focus on your interests, school, and just make sure you are doing every day what's best for YOUR future.

[AsSiMiLaTeD]

I usually end up being the one to play devil's advocate, and so my first thought when reading his response to you was I should see what you wrote him to provoke that kind of response, just to get both sides...

Then I thought about it for like half a second and realized that we need to see no such thing. There's nothing that you could have possibly written to him that would warrant his response, period.

If we were talking two adults here, that would be different, but we're talking a father and son, and that's one of the most horrid things I've ever read...

For anyone who may be on the fence in terms of whether his dad is a deadbeat or not - THis is the same guy that received speakers parts for free here from forum members, and then turned around and sold them on Ebay to make a profit - I believe that is an illustration of his true character..

Trey, best of luck, and things will work out for you.

[Zero]

I am quite proud of our young Trey. Having read a slew of letters exchanged between himself and his father, Trey remained steadfast and rational. This is no small feat given the circumstances, even though time has prepared for such a fall-out. Trey has grown up immensely since his first posts years ago, and I have to say – I am proud of who he is becoming.

His father, ‘the dead-beat’, has been since I could remember hearing about him. Funny, it was a good year or so ago when he proclaimed that this forum was helping to turn his son against him. What a shame.

On a lighter note, Sid, you’re still not out of the woods. I’m still taking you to the woodshed.

[VR3]

Thanks for all the luck folks. Really appreciate it, really I do...

The email I attached here is actually one of the cleaner, nicer responses I have received from my Dad involving me calling him out. The whole situation hasn't really bothered me to be honest. My Dad has constantly shown he cant find it in himself to admit he is wrong and he never will. He is on earth for one reason alone, and that is to get as far as he can in life (benefiting him). It didn't take long for me to figure that out either...

I'm interested in seeing where it will go...shall keep you folks updated...

Thanks for all the help, wishes and more! :)

[Demiurge]

Heh, not that it matters, but i didn't see any letters or anything when I formulated my initial response. Sorry. I still don't see them. :confused:

[brettw22]

Just keep the 27 page email exchanges and give it to your mothers lawyer.

That ought to ensure that he's going to be paying her a lot of money for a long time.

Also, I don't know about your state, but Alimony laws mandate that he pay her support until she re-marries. I have a co-worker that's in the same situation and she's said she will never remarry so she can enjoy the fact that her cheating ex has to write her a check every month.....GET HIM!!!!!

[audiobliss]

Ok. I most definitely don't agree with what he's trying to do. Not at all. It's low, it's dishonorable, it's disgusting, it's shameful; it's typical of the human race. However, nor do I agree with everybody saying 'get him!', 'stick it to him'!!! Yeah, don't let him slip out of this and stop paying for it. He's obligated to do; do what you have to to ensure (or insure...I'm not looking it up right now) that he pays it. But lose the 'vengeance is mine' attitude.

[brettw22]

The problem with the type of person his dad is showing himself to be is that he won't learn or accept his responsibility unless he takes it in the pocketbook.

I wouldn't say, generally speaking, to "GET HIM" unless the person has basically tried to shirk his responsibility and act like a 10 year old having a tantrum.