Dear God,

[candyliquor35m]

Please help me to help others just like you've helped me all my life!

Next?

[Strong Bad]

give me the winner numbers to the largest lotto jackpot in the country.

[disneyjoe7]

Please #'s Please.

[ohskigod]

Dear God

Please explain to an extreme minority of your devout followers of many faiths that some of the sh*t they do in your name is completly retarded. Of course, feel free to use different terminology than I chose to use. Since you are the almighty, you can phrase it far better than me.

please God, with sugar on top

Lou

[zombie boy 2000]

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they dont get enough to eat


Any other XTC fans out there?:D

[jkn]

Admittedly, the XTC song is the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the subject. Wonderful lyrics throughout that album - although that should probably be a different thread.

"when it rains it rains all the colors in my paintbox..."

jkn

[strider]

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they dont get enough to eat


Any other XTC fans out there?:D


There goes my answer.....:(

[bobman1235]

Monty Python to the rescue!
Chaplain: O Lord…
Congregation: O Lord…
Chaplain: … ooh, You are so big…
Congregation: … ooh, You are so big…
Chaplain: … so absolutely huge.
Congregation: … so absolutely huge.
Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and…
Congregation: … and barefaced flattery.
Chaplain: But You're so strong and, well, just so… super.
Congregation: Fantastic!
Chaplain: Amen.
Congregation: Amen.
.....
[The Chaplain leads the congregation in a hymn.]
Chaplain, Congregation: [singing]

Oh, Lord, please don't burn us,
Don't grill or toast your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue,
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us,
Or stir-fry us in a wok.

Oh please don't lightly poach us,
Or baste us with hot fat,
Don't fricassee or roast us,
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick thy servants Lord,
In a Rotissomat...

[PolkThug]

Please protect me from your followers.

[jkn]

I may burn eternally for derailing this thread further - but in the wonderful words of Eddie Izzard... of course, it's much better if you can hear him doing the voices... :)

"And… No, it’s – it’s just not kicking, is it? You know. God must be up – must be up there going, “What on earth is that?” God, who is James Mason. “What on earth is that, Jesus? Jesus Christ! What on earth is that?” “Don’t take my name in vain, Dad!” “Jezee Chrizee, what on earth is that?” “Don’t call me Jezee Chrizee. Look Dad, I went down there, I taught ‘em to be hang out, be groovy, drink a bit of wine, they split into different groups! You’ve got the Catholics, the Protestants, the Jesuits, the Methodists, the Evangelicals, the free Presbyterians, the locked up Presbyterians…the Quakers, the Bakers, the Candlestick Makers... The Mormons are from Mars, Dad, we’ve had that checked out.” “And what does the Holy Ghost think of all this?” “Oh, he’s useless, Dad. Got a sheet over his head these days.” [Holy Ghost:] “Ooooh…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost!” [God:] “Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo!” [Holy Ghost:] “I would have succeeded if it wasn’t for those pesky God and Jesus fellows!”

"cake or death?"

[zombie boy 2000]

From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The arguement goes something like this:


"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," say Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promply vanishes in a puff of logic

[hoosier21]

Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,

man I am too slow

[Skynut]

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?
Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?
I’m counting on you, Lord, please don’t let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy the next round,
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?

Everybody!
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

That’s it!

[zombie boy 2000]

Hoosier... see my first post:D

[bikezappa]

Me... Me..... Me.....

[audiobliss]

Please give me the confidence and courage that Your Word provides. Surround me with Your strength and perseverance everyday as I enter the world, seemingly alone. Give me the wisdom to see that just because everyone's doing it, I don't have to follow suit. Help me to see the big picture, not losing the forest for the trees. Help me to not get caught up in this stage of life at college, and forget about You. Help me as I one day move on to a career and a family, that I wouldn't forget my priorities and forget You. Help me to rise above the influence of those I'm surrounded by.

But dear LORD, give me humility, also. While not succumbing to the wills of those around me, help me not become judgemental. Help me to maintain an open mind, and remember that You love the lost as much as You love the forgiven.

I pray that my actions may be in accordance with Your Will for my life, and that I would be receptive to Your Word as it reaches me through the Bible and the rebuke and reproof of my family, friends, and bretheren. I pray that others may see something in me, that points to You above. That they would see the influence Your grace and mercy has in my life, and that they, too, may come to know Your blessings one day.

Help me develop a deeper relationship with You, delving into Your Word everyday, conversing with You every minute. Encourage my faith, LORD; help my unbelief.

In Your Son's holy and most precious name I pray, amen.

[Danny Tse]

give me the winner numbers to the largest lotto jackpot in the country.

Dear God,

Please give me the winning numbers to any future lottery jackpot in the US.

Please let me hear a "yes" when I propose to my gf.

Please let peace reign over our dismal planet.

That's it. And thank you, oh Mighty One.

[polrbehr]

Please let my little girl, and others like her, have the most normal life she can, without the need to depend on other people for her well-being. There's still time. She's come so far; don't halt her progress now.
I am not asking for miracles or even answers to why children are affected...
rather, help us as a planet find a way to limit the number of children who must
live with this.
And give us, as parents, the ability, strength, and patience to help out as much as we can, to help them on their way.
And find a way to keep Autism Awareness at the forefront of our thoughts
as a nation.

[McLoki]

Please let my little girl, and others like her, have the most normal life she can, without the need to depend on other people for her well-being. There's still time. She's come so far; don't halt her progress now.
I am not asking for miracles or even answers to why children are affected...
rather, help us as a planet find a way to limit the number of children who must
live with this.
And give us, as parents, the ability, strength, and patience to help out as much as we can, to help them on their way.
And find a way to keep Autism Awareness at the forefront of our thoughts
as a nation.
Amen.

BTW - latest report from the CDC puts Autism Spectrum Disorders in children at 1 in 150 (http://www.autismspeaks.org/press/cdc_autism_prevalence.php)(up from 1 in 166 reported in Jan of '04 and 1 in 2,000 in 1980).

[riglehart]

When I was young I prayed for a new bicycle and never got one. So, I stole one instead and prayed for forgiveness.

- Emo Phillips

[hearingimpared]

Please protect me from your followers.


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa Ya big heathen you!!!!

[BaggedLancer]

Why are you all writing letters to me? :confused::confused::confused::confused:

[hearingimpared]

Silence, Silence!!!

Heavenly FATHER,

Kindly FATHER,

My FATHER,

Thy Great God,

My Loving God,

My protecting God,

Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour is helping me!!!

[Sartori]

Dear God,

Please give me the winning numbers to any future lottery jackpot in the US.

Please let me hear a "yes" when I propose to my gf.

Please let peace reign over our dismal planet.

That's it. And thank you, oh Mighty One.


Well one out of three isn't bad I guess.....

[Frank Z]

Dear Lord,
My life isn't perfect, but it's perfectly fine.

Thanks

[hearingimpared]

Dear Lord,
My life isn't perfect, but it's perfectly fine.

Thanks


Ditto for me Lord!!!

[pblanc]

Please God, dear God, oh God: make Shure bring back the VN5MR stylus.

[schwarcw]

Lord, hear the prayers of your faithful. I pray that you will show the light to those that look for you. Open up the hearts of the hardened, forgive all of us as we are sinners. Thank you for your endless grace.

Amen!

[Danny Tse]

Well one out of three isn't bad I guess.....

And dear Mighty One.....

Please let me know which one out of the three "wishes" will be coming true. :D

That's it....for now.

[MacLeod]

...how many Hail Marys would I have to say to be stranded on a deserted tropical island with Kate Beckinsale?

[Demiurge]

...how many Hail Marys would I have to say to be stranded on a deserted tropical island with Kate Beckinsale?

Hey, get your own wish. :mad: :p

[MacLeod]

I saw her first!!