Clubpolk Santa Letters

[RuSsMaN]

Dear Santa,

I know my behavior has been spotty this year, but I pray to you for forgiveness. You are the only one that can forgive me most merciful Santa. Your compassionate grace is what made blind men walk again, and those who are deaf so funny sounding. Please most gracious and giant Santa, assist me with thy mace, so that I might smite my enemies and cause them permanent damage around the taint when they are glancing away.

I beseech thee, oh Kringle, you must help me. You are my only hope. Boba Fett is near, and he's as horny as a three dollar bill. In return for your forgiveness, oh Jolly-Nick all I ask for is a new car of some sort. Something sporty, but not too "look at me, I have a small penis". Basically, nothing Jesse would drive.

I have a friend named Dorokusai. His real name is Mark, but some people call him Doro. He's my best friend. I hope I don't have to kill him anytime soon. I have another friend named Troy, but I don't like him that much. In fact, one of these days I'm going to chop his head off with a hoe.

I must go now, Subject of 12 days. Please consider my requests and respond only positively, because everyone knows I am the only one that still believes in you, except that Virginia girl. But that was like a hundred years ago, and she's dead. Just like Dale Earnhardt.

Cheers,
Russ

PS, Please pass this to John Ritter when you are finished.

[ninerbj]

Lmao!!!!!

[F1nut]

I drive the Bang Bus, you wish you did.

[BaggedLancer]

I drive the Bang Bus, you wish you did.

haha :cool:

[hearingimpared]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

That's the Russ I remember when I first came aboard!

[PolkThug]

I think that's his same letter from '06. That's two years in a row of spotty behavior. :)

[ohskigod]

someone just scored tickets for that Amtrack to Hell :D

[Fireman32]

Wayyyyyyy to funny.

[ohskigod]

Wayyyyyyy to funny.

I know you got tickets to the train, right next to me.

Grassi or Scott are still going to be the conductor

(inside joke folks, move along....nothing to see here)

[shack]

Dear Santa,

Based on his letter, Russ obviously doesn't deserve ANYTHING. Please pass right over his house and give me all the good stuff (electronics, booze, etc..). All the other stuff you were going to give him like Sponge Bob underwear, soap on a rope w/KY combo set and Michael Bolton CDs you can give to Mark. I think he would appreciate them.

Your friend,

Shack

[Strong Bad]

Dear Santa,

Based on his letter, Russ obviously doesn't deserve ANYTHING. Please pass right over his house and give me all the good stuff (electronics, booze, etc..). All the other stuff you were going to give him like Sponge Bob underwear, soap on a rope w/KY combo set and Michael Bolton CDs you can give to Mark. I think he would appreciate them.

Your friend,

Shack


Dear Santa:

As an addendum to this letter...

As you pass over Russ' house, have all of the Reindeer drop a steaming pile on his roof!

And if his Dear Santa letter was a cut 'n' paste from a prior year, please deposit a couple of toothless Cajun's on his front lawn playing the "Dueling Banjo's" from Deliverance 24/7 till the end of the year!

John

p.s.

Make sure said Toothless Cajun's, twice daily, tell him he looks just like a hog.

[RuSsMaN]

So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

[Face]

http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46974&highlight=santa ;)

[Strong Bad]

So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

I can hear the fine tuning of Banjos...

[mrbigbluelight]

Russman is going to hell, get out of the way.

:)

BTW: I don't drive the Bangbus. I'm in the back.

with your sister


:o

[edbert]

So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46974&highlight=santa ;)


Russman, looks like someone needs to use the search function. Stinkin' newbs.:D

[TroyD]

Man, it's STILL funny shiite...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BDT

[AndyGwis]

I've already forwarded that to my brother for a gander.

Comedic genius if you ask me. Teach blind men how to walk. . . great stuff all the way around.

I'm thinking of personalizing this and sending it out to my ff league, but I'm afraid they won't appreciate the humor and will insult me for my insolence.

[cfrizz]

Absolutely hysterical. Both last years & this years!

[TroyD]

Oh, and when you guys get to Hell.....I'll be checking ID's at the door.

BDT

[dorokusai]

Dear Santa,

I'm not quite sure what your problem is but stop calling my FN house! Last year the visit was great and the couple phone calls after Christmas were cute but it's officially not funny anymore.

My wife doesn't want to date you and you'll notice I used the word wife right? I'm sick of you sending elves to run her errands and the constant re-gifting is just BS. Christmas in April ha FN ha.

I hope you come here again this year you c***sucker because I'm gonna FN kill you. Loser.

Regards,
Mark

[cfrizz]

Oh Thank you Mark! I just spit sprite all over my monitor!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[hearingimpared]

p.s.

Make sure said Toothless Cajun's, twice daily, tell him he looks just like a hog.


Nahhhh SQUEEEEEEEL like a hog!!!:eek:

[Strong Bad]

:D

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LtAkf0UMeLA


WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[RuSsMaN]

http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.shtml

Weeeeee!!!

Gonads and strife.

[George Grand]

Santa you freakin' hump,

Thanks a lot for doing jack shit for me over the last couple years. Like it's really coming off of your ass if Jenny McCarthy is unconscious over here for a few hours huh? You suck and I hope Mrs. Claus holds out on your jolly fat ass for the rest of the season and you have to tear off a piece of elf or some shit like that.

George

[beardog03]

Dear Mark, Russ & Goerge Grand (of the Jersey grands)

Bite me, you aint getting shit !

stop trying to ride my reindeer, and stop humpin my friggin elves....


and if I catch that greasy headed, brill cream wearing SOB crawlin out my window again, it aint gonna be toys I drop down yer chimney..


Now piss off...


Sincerly,

S. Claus


P.S.

Give me back my assless chaps, I know you got them......................Mark

[hearingimpared]

I've got cramps in my sides from laughing so hard!!! Shit I'm gonna throw up!!!

[Ricardo]

Dear Santa,

1.-A turntable shaped bed for Joe, that actually spins. Since his wish of making his wife as horny as him was some time ago already and the guy is getting old, please include a one year supply of blue pills.
2.-A two years in home laundry service for Troy, speciallized in getting hair gel out of sheets and pillows. just pay for the in home extra. Bill George Grand for the actual laundry service.
3.-A full year supply of titanium extra hardened clipper blades for Jesse. If it goes beyond your budget, please bill Silverti to break even.
4.-A horny orangutan for Mark. The poor kid has a real problem and the neighbors are tired of watching him make love to the hydrant.
5.-Get rid of that horrible picture of Russ that ambulates this forum. Yes, that one.
6.-A 2,000 WPC amp for Cathy.
7.-Don't let me get banned this year.

[hearingimpared]

Dear Santa,

1.-A turntable shaped bed for Joe, that actually spins. Since his wish of making his wife as horny as him was some time ago already and the guy is getting old, please include a one year supply of blue pills.
2.-A two years in home laundry service for Troy, speciallized in getting hair gel out of sheets and pillows. just pay for the in home extra. Bill George Grand for the actual laundry service.
3.-A full year supply of titanium extra hardened clipper blades for Jesse. If it goes beyond your budget, please bill Silverti to break even.
4.-A horny orangutan for Mark. The poor kid has a real problem and the neighbors are tired of watching him make love to the hydrant.
5.-Get rid of that horrible picture of Russ that ambulates this forum. Yes, that one.
6.-A 2,000 WPC amp for Cathy.
7.-Don't let me get banned this year.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa ROTFLMAO!!! LOL!

I'm gonna throw up again.

PS: Santa I need about 2000 blue pills please, the big ones!!!

[dorokusai]

You need one pill....Ritalin.

[hearingimpared]

You need one pill....Ritalin.

Ha ha ha, you don't know the half of it!!! MUUUUhhaaaahhaaaaa!:D:D:D:eek:

[RuSsMaN]

Dude, if anything, he does NOT need pharmaceutical speed. You want him up to 47 posts per day?

He needs some ludes man, some horse tranquilizers. Maybe a shot of Thorazine and padded room. ;)

[BaggedLancer]

Aderol or however you spell it is pretty popular around campus. GOod for studying for finals. Maybe we should get Joe some of that to go with the ritalin.

[hearingimpared]

If you guys only knew you'd poop yourselves. I'm on enough medication to knock down an elephant but it only keeps me from running around the room a lot!!!:eek::D

[BaggedLancer]

If you guys only knew you'd poop yourselves. I'm on enough medication to knock down an elephant but it only keeps me from running around the room a lot!!!:eek::D

Are your walls padded? I bet you could get your insurance to pay for padded walls so you don't hurt yourself and just buy room treatments instead.....

you know you wanna do it now that I suggested it.... :p

[hearingimpared]

Naahhh my wife just takes a look into my eyes and can tell if the spurt is coming on, then she jumps in front of the wall . . . she has all the padding I need and she's not fat . . . know what I mean?;)

[BaggedLancer]

Naahhh my wife just takes a look into my eyes and can tell if the spurt is coming on, then she jumps in front of the wall . . . she has all the padding I need and she's not fat . . . know what I mean?;)

She has a big ass? :confused::confused::confused::confused: ;)

[hearingimpared]

She has a big ass? :confused::confused::confused::confused: ;)

The front ya big dope!:rolleyes:

[BaggedLancer]

The front ya big dope!:rolleyes:

Ohhhh she has big thighs....got it. ;)

[lightman1]

Rock on Joe!!!
Now go to bed:)

[hearingimpared]

Ohhhh she has big thighs....got it. ;)

Oooohhhh you're a regular riot Alice; a regular riot; how'd like to be laughing on the mooooooonn????:D

Hey Russ the lightman = = =:p:p:p:p

[TroyD]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA

Normally this is a post that I'd be all over...but, I got nothing.

BDT

[mrbigbluelight]

As always ...... pics please !

And it's probably a good thing that HI doesn't share how he developed The Clamp.

..... unless he has pics.

[hearingimpared]

Now now boys let's keep our minds out of the proverbial gutter!!! Besides I thought you were MY cronies and henchmen!:D:rolleyes: