Charmin?

[George Grand]

Why do these people even advertise? Quilted Northern absolutely WIPES Charmin. Any asshole could see that.

[Early B.]

Yeah, and what's with the whole "squeezably soft" thing? Who da' hell wants soft tissue? That means you gotta wipe up your ass more often. It's a pain in the ass to wipe your ass with Charmin.

[Joe08867]

I prefer Charmin Ultra Plus. I also have Crohn's so I go more often than most people. Alot more!!

Northern is my second choice. It is also soft but the Charmin has aloe in it that soothes the savage butt.

Scott is like using sandpaper.

[Fongolio]

Scott is the John Wayne of tp. It's rough and it's tough and it don't take sh%t from nobody!!!

[hearingimpared]

Scott is the John Wayne of tp. It's rough and it's tough and it don't take sh%t from nobody!!!

I agree, it just scrapes that arsehole clean . . . my favorite.

Charmin is finger through the paper crap then you go to smell your finger to see if you got any poop on it and you accidently touch your nose. . . what a pain in the . . .

[devani]

I agree, it just scrapes that arsehole clean . . . my favorite.

Charmin is finger through the paper crap then you go to smell your finger to see if you got any poop on it and you accidently touch your nose. . . what a pain in the . . .

SPOKEN from true experience:D:D

[TroyD]

I got to go with the Fonger on this one. Scott's also exfoliates. That's a good thing.

BDT

[Lorthos]

I got to go with the Fonger on this one. Scott's also exfoliates. That's a good thing.

BDT

So whats the wipe of choice in Korea?

[bobman1235]

I got to go with the Fonger on this one. Scott's also exfoliates. That's a good thing.

BDT

I'm a Scott's guy all the way. "Quilted" TP is more comfortable, sure, but it doesn't get the job done. I'm all about utility when it comes to that area.

[AndyGwis]

Quilted Northern absolutely WIPES Charmin. Any asshole could see that.

I'm digging the puns. This is a well constructed sentence.

I used Charmin myself but may look into Quilted Northern based on your recommendation.

[George Grand]

I'm finished with the product, both critiquing and using. Charmin' will never take lumps in my home again.

[strider]

Effing classic. You're on fire today, George.

[reeltrouble1]

Mr. Whipple has issues with tissues.

RT1

[jcaut]

I hate it when my TP has excessive tensile strength but insufficient shear strength.

[petrym]

Only Quilted Northern touches the backsides of the folks in this house.

[mhardy6647]

It's the 21st Century. Why can Mankind's collective genius not produce a roll of toilet paper that can easily be 'started'?

Quilted Northern absolutely WIPES Charmin. Any asshole could see that.
Too fecking funnny, George! There are just piles of possibilities; too many to waste. I am flushed with envy.

[BottomFeeder]

Oh my gosh!

This is an AMAZING thread!

THIS is why I am a member of this, & only this, forum.

The things I learn around here just continue to change my life!

[Fireman32]

I use the quilted northern and I always keep baby wipes by the toilet to give that extra clean feeling.

[SolidSqual]

I prefer to use Kleenex tissue with aloe. Its the kind soothing strength my ass has come to depend on.

[cfrizz]

:eek::eek::eek: Dear George, if this is what you have been reduced to on this forum from being retired....you should REALLY think about finding another job!!!:eek:;):D
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAA!!!!

[George Grand]

I didn't mean to spark a fire here. Everybody has their preferences. Just because something rubs ME the wrong way........

[Jstas]

I use pine cones.

If I run out, Brillo pads will do in a pinch.

[Demiurge]

Charmin = Dingleberries

"What gets me about the Cottonelle for kids, besides the uncomfortable feeling of shoving a dog into my yammy, is that the puppy is pictured in two poses. One, with his tongue out next to a parrot, and the other, in a canoe with a monkey. No, seriously, in a canoe with a monkey:"

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m216/Demiurge1000/Photo493.jpg

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m216/Demiurge1000/1155747139549.gif

[BottomFeeder]

I use pine cones.

If I run out, Brillo pads will do in a pinch.

In a "pinch!"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

This is too much!

Stop it already so I can get some work done!

[BIZILL]

i'm just saying, with today's technology, you'd think mankind could manufacture TP that tears away appropriately at the perforations. then you've got the TP that leaves its own trace fuzz. other considerations are that if the TP is thick, i only require 4 squares. if thinner, 5+ squares is a must. oh, and my biggest pet peeve in the world...TP installed the wrong way!!!:mad::mad::mad:

surely we as humans can agree the paper should be grabbed by the front versus reaching down beneath the roll itself to grab the free-hangin' pieces. oh, and then sometimes TP rolls can be a pain in the ass by mimicing packaging tape. WHERE THE HELL IS THE END PIECE?:mad:

[Polk addict]

Oh man, the end piece...

[avguytx]

For me, it's the $5 double roll 12 pack at Dollar General which works like a champ. No fingers busting thru and no reason for me to stray back to the "boutique" brands. Awhile back they were out and I had to resort to some $7 4-pack of crap paper that maybe made it thru 2 sit-downs per roll that might have well been self destructing paper once it touched the zone. That sucked.

Nothing like being satisfied with your butt wipe material, though. It can make or break your day. :D

[BIZILL]

anyone wipe with kirkland/costco TP? how is it? worth it?

[BaggedLancer]

I prefer the Scott 60 grit as well.

[Sherardp]

This thread is hilarious. Since I've been overseas in Japan, that is the roughest TP I have ever used. Not to mention theres no seat to sit on in allot of establishments.

http://www.healthbolt.net/2006/10/25/the-infamous-japanese-toilet-deconstructed/

[Early B.]

This is some good shit right here:

http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35516&highlight=toilet

[BIZILL]

This is some good shit right here:

http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35516&highlight=toilet

i posted quite a bit there as well. it would seem i am drawn to threads with alot of shit-talking.:rolleyes:

[TroyD]

So what the wipe of choice in Korea?

I just drag my ass across the floor.

BDT

[treitz3]

You too?...and all this time I thought I was the only one.

[Face]

Flushable baby wipes for the win.

[BottomFeeder]

anyone wipe with kirkland/costco TP? how is it? worth it?

Yeah, we're wipin' w/Costco. It's a no thrills, no frills but no spills :eek: tp!

[hearingimpared]

I found this to be the most effective and efficent way to clean the heiny.

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj268/jarmideo/BrownNoser-1.jpg

[treitz3]

Is that dog cleaning or submerging? :eek:

[Polkitup2]

I don't know why the bidet hasn't done better in the US. The europeans definately have cleaner A-holes.

[Early B.]

I don't know why the bidet hasn't done better in the US. The europeans definately have cleaner A-holes.

Did you arrive at this conclusion from visual inspection or what???:confused:

[Polkitup2]

Nope, the point I was trying to make is that wiping your arse with TP is a far shot hygenically from cleaning it using a bidet.:eek:

[SKsolutions]

If pissed, I'll use the guest towels.

[treitz3]

Just be sure to fold them back up so that no one notices. ;)

[SKsolutions]

I flip em over so it's a surprise. :D

[daboyz]

Only here could we get 40+ posts on this topic........................

[Neskahi]

Finally. I can actually "contribute" to the forum instead of just asking a question.
Charmin followed up by Walmart Baby Wipes.

[bobman1235]

Nope, the point I was trying to make is that wiping your arse with TP is a far shot hygenically from cleaning it using a bidet.:eek:

I use wet wipes.

Also, bidets are not used for post-poop washing. They're used more as a mini shower for your crotch, rather than taking a full shower.

[agfrost]

Only Asswipes will do the job around here. Quintuple fecal protection, so your hand don't smell like ass!

http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj155/agfrost/asswipes.jpg

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/gn59oWzatZA&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/gn59oWzatZA&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

Keep it Clean!

Jay

[mrbigbluelight]

Walgreens Single-Ply is the way to go.

Single ply, but resilient; tough enough to get the job done, and done right the first time !


And, as a side note, toilet paper should be "Over the ToP", not the other way.

[bobman1235]

And, as a side note, toilet paper should be "Over the ToP", not the other way.

I saw a survey about this, like "which way do you prefer". If I remember correctly it was around 80/20 for 'over the top.' So apparently at least SOME people do like it the other way...

[george daniel]

Having raised three daughters,, I can say without hesitation,, Quilted Northern,, it's an American tradition,,,the secret behind the man/woman.;)

[skipf]

Quilted Northern here too, though the Sam's Club stuff is actually better. Unfortunantly I don't belong to Sam's Club. Do Y'all think we could get some study groups put together to make recommendations on the next generation of buttwipe? I think George should be chairman of one group.

[mhardy6647]

I am sure tp R&D is very well funded by the US Government, possibly through the NIH.

[Keiko]

<a href=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/><img src=http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/3788941f1f.jpg border=0 alt="Free Image Hosting"></a>

TP is so 90's. Doesn't anyone use the 3 seashells in here?

[jgido759]

<a href=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/><img src=http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/3788941f1f.jpg border=0 alt="Free Image Hosting"></a>

TP is so 90's. Doesn't anyone use the 3 seashells in here?

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[PolkWannabie]

And, as a side note, toilet paper should be "Over the ToP", not the other way.
If you have kids or cats you may find an entire roll has been unrolled onto the floor from time to time with the over the top method.

[Jstas]

I use wet wipes.

Also, bidets are not used for post-poop washing. They're used more as a mini shower for your crotch, rather than taking a full shower.

Shower for your crotch?

You don't need a bidet! Pfft! BAH!

No sir! Grab that bowl brush, dunk it right in the bowl water and scrub away! Does a great job at yankin' those dingleberries right off the 'ole ass bush!

[billbillw]

Charmin is finger through the paper crap then you go to smell your finger to see if you got any poop on it and you accidently touch your nose. . . what a pain in the . . .


URGENT UPDATE:
Charmin now has a product called Ultra Strong. My wife brought some home this week and I've had a chance to give it a few test runs.

This is some strong fu*(ing TP! No problem with finger blow-thru like the regular Charmin, which I cannot stand! Its so strong and absorbent, you will end up feeling safe to use only a single thickness of the stuff, even on that first, nastiest, wipe! It doesn't ball up like the regular Charmin either. Nobody likes TP wad Klingons!

It is a little rougher than Quilted Northern though, so that is still my preference. I just can't get my stubborn wife to buy it lately.

[pietro944]

I'm reporting you all to the "Queen of the 2-Square"..................SHERYL CROW

[DaveMuell]

My only comment to this thread is this. Those fellows that are "on schedule" to do their business at the office everyday deserve that brittle, three inch wide, 15 inches around stuff that is somehow called toilet paper.

[jflail2]

The more important question is, which way do you "brushstroke"? Take care not to wipe towards the coin pouch.....

[BIZILL]

bi-directional. but only one direction per fingerload while being careful not to hit the 'jewels'. ...been known to go through almost a complete roll before. can't stop until it comes out white.

[jdhdiggs]

Ok, well this thread seems like an appropriate thread to ask the question:

You're in India and Shiva's revenge is a coming full force so you hall ass to the bathroom and lock yourself in the stall and all you see is a 4" diameter hole in the ground, a garden spicket and a measuring cup in the corner. What do you do? Seriously? I mean the fireball goose-shits are coming, how do you get out of there with your drawers unscathed and your dignity intact? WTH are you supposed to do?

Yes, this sadly did happen to me...

[bobman1235]

Never go to India would be my course of action :)

[NotaSuv]

hhhhhhmmmm am I the only one who uses the garden hose?


ok what does the starship enterprise and toliet paper have in common?







both fly around Uranus wiping out Klingons

[BottomFeeder]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

This thread just keeps going & going & going!

& Getting better!

Unbelievable.

Now, isn't this a whole lot better than some of the rants & attacks that have gone on in the past?
Well, maybe don't answer that...

[avguytx]

Only here could we get 40+ posts on this topic........................

Hey, it beats the "s**t posts" that CL35 comes up with.

[Jstas]

Never go to India would be my course of action :)

Ed Zachary!



But if I gotta poop in a grimy hole and got the Hershey squirts like that, I'd take everything off from waist down, hang it up and let it fly! Then use that cup and that water spigot to clean up from the festivities.

[jdhdiggs]

Yes, bu how do you get the bunghole clean. BTW, the floor is wet and there's no clothes hooks...

[pearsall001]

I use a Craftsman belt sander...hurts a little but does it ever keep your butt smooth & clean.

[petrym]

Yes, bu how do you get the bunghole clean. BTW, the floor is wet and there's no clothes hooks...
Been stationed in Turkey with the some problem. :eek:
Well campers, what did we do?

[Ricardo]

Damn.....so that's what TP is. We use our hands as we learned from our ancestors.

Now I understand why my daughter's friends always go home when they say they need to go to the restroom...and why my friends from work have not accepted my invitations anymore.

You learn something every day.

[BIZILL]

man, we can get away with talking all this crap, yet threads consisting of tasteful babes gets shut down, as well as threads with political banter and religion.:rolleyes:

[BottomFeeder]

Ok, well this thread seems like an appropriate thread to ask the question:

You're in India and Shiva's revenge is a coming full force so you hall ass to the bathroom and lock yourself in the stall and all you see is a 4" diameter hole in the ground, a garden spicket and a measuring cup in the corner. What do you do? Seriously? I mean the fireball goose-shits are coming, how do you get out of there with your drawers unscathed and your dignity intact? WTH are you supposed to do?

Yes, this sadly did happen to me...

Ok, I guess I'll take a shot, er, squirt?
You don't get out of there w/your drawers unscathed. Or maybe you do, but you gotta clean house w/something, so maybe use a sock that you leave behind w/what your behind has left behind?

[Face]

Use your draws and go commando. If it happens again before you can get back to your room, start using socks.

[Jstas]

Yes, bu how do you get the bunghole clean. BTW, the floor is wet and there's no clothes hooks...

Well, see, that's what we call "up shit's creek" and quite literally I might add.

[BIZILL]

Use your draws and go commando. If it happens again before you can get back to your room, start using socks.

maybe i'll start wearing underbriefs for that purpose alone. anyway, just came back from doing my duty, or shall i say, "doody", and realized we got that cheap stuff at work that not only slips from your arse, but also slips from your fingers. no tear through. just slippage.:mad: slippery paper. who's crappy idea was that?

[BottomFeeder]

Maybe we could put together an official "Polk Audio TP Test Team?" They could "log in" each day for a week, just after having made a doo doo, with the results and impressions of the paper they've just tested.

Can you see it w/me? We'd need a logo, t-shirts, socks for jdhdiggs, hats, a web site...w/the comments here, we could make some coin to fund our audio habit!

[dholmes]

When I was a poor child we used corn cobs & newspaper!!! my a$$ was tough

[petrym]

:eek: make it stop already... :eek:

I've read way too many of you people's habits, of course, I can't stop coming back to this thread! LOL! :o

[BIZILL]

some might label that a "fetish". SCAT.

[DaveMuell]

When I was a poor child we used corn cobs & newspaper!!! my a$$ was tough

Isn't this still the case in most of Kentucky and the better part of Canada?

Just Kidding!!

[ND13]

Give me Cottonelle, baby.

[petrym]

some might label that a "fetish". SCAT.
more like morbid curiosity... :p

[4406bbl]

cottonelle with aloe rules.

[hearingimpared]

Ok, well this thread seems like an appropriate thread to ask the question:

You're in India and Shiva's revenge is a coming full force so you hall ass to the bathroom and lock yourself in the stall and all you see is a 4" diameter hole in the ground, a garden spicket and a measuring cup in the corner. What do you do? Seriously? I mean the fireball goose-shits are coming, how do you get out of there with your drawers unscathed and your dignity intact? WTH are you supposed to do?

Yes, this sadly did happen to me...

You don't need to go to India for this to happen. I was driving down the Atlantic City Expressway when all of a sudden the rumbles and a blowout was immanent. I cut to shoulder and got to the first tree and blowout occured, I used a sock to clean up and it did a damned good job; drove another two hours with no symptoms of the dreaded ichy ass or as I prefer to say around the kids, I A!:D

[skipf]

You don't need to go to India for this to happen. I was driving down the Atlantic City Expressway when all of a sudden the rumbles and a blowout was immanent. I cut to shoulder and got to the first tree and blowout occured, I used a sock to clean up and it did a damned good job; drove another two hours with no symptoms of the dreaded ichy ass or as I prefer to say around the kids, I A!:D

Don't waste another perfectly good sock, for mother nature provides for our needs in a wonderful manner. Trees are full of quite effective wipes. My personal preferences run to Magnolia and Rhododendron. Thick enough to avoid tearing like those whimpy Mapels are prone to do, Have the proper elongated shape for a full stroke, and just the right amount of roughness on the back sides to do an effective job of collection without smearing. One word of warning, stay away from vines with leaves in a cluster of three.

[treitz3]

As a kid I found out Skip's advice is spot on. Talk about I A. :eek:

[Jstas]

My dad used to do a ton of road work and drove a bunch. So he used to keep a couple rolls of poo paper in the car with him for just such an occasion.

[RuSsMaN]

Mark sh!ts on cell sites. There I said it.

[hearingimpared]

Don't waste another perfectly good sock, for mother nature provides for our needs in a wonderful manner. Trees are full of quite effective wipes. My personal preferences run to Magnolia and Rhododendron. Thick enough to avoid tearing like those whimpy Mapels are prone to do, Have the proper elongated shape for a full stroke, and just the right amount of roughness on the back sides to do an effective job of collection without smearing. One word of warning, stay away from vines with leaves in a cluster of three.

When I was a boy scout, (yes I was), I saw a guy use mother nature to wipe his behind. The poor bastage ended up with poison ivy on the jewels, the bungus, and his entire rear-end.

[mrbigbluelight]

When I was a boy scout, (yes I was), I saw a guy use mother nature to wipe his behind. The poor bastage ended up with poison ivy on the jewels, the bungus, and his entire rear-end.

..... at least that's what you guys told his mom. :)

[Keiko]

The poor bastage ended up with poison ivy on the jewels, the bungus, and his entire rear-end.
Fungus of the Bungus! :eek:

<a href=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/><img src=http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/dfcd15326b.jpg border=0 alt="Free Image Hosting"></a>

I saw a guy use mother nature to wipe his behind.
And Joe, why were you watching this? :confused: :p

[BIZILL]

so, i see ya'll are still talkin' crap...:mad: