need support from my fellow members

[raidersrule76]

Well heres the skinny, my wife has decided to take some time apart,has rented a house in another town about 15 miles away and says that we need some time apart. First off let me start by saying that I in no way have been perfect over the last seven years but nothing that I think would suggest that things are not there best. I realize that she said that we can work on things but I just feel that this is the kiss of death, its her way of getting away from me to do some thinking and sorting things out with out me being in the house and when the time comes she will be in a better situation to leave for good. I hope this is not the case and we will be able to work things out, because I really do love her with all my heart and she says she still loves me but she dosent want to end up hating me. So what I am asking for is that you guys think of me from time to time and hope all the best for me I don't know what I will do without her. :(

Mark

[Conradicles]

Just prayed for you man. Hope all works out for the best. I've been in your situation and it is very tough, but hang in there.
Grace and Peace,
Eric.

[Ron-P]

Sorry to hear Mark and I do wish the best for both you guys.

[cfrizz]

Ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you. It show good faith & a real interest in saving the marraige. It is usually the woman that makes the offer. But if you make it, it will really show that you are serious about this marriage remaining intact.

Best of luck to you.

[bobman1235]

While it sounds like the kiss of death, I do know people who have survived rough times like these and came out the other side stronger than before, so don't give up hope. Best of luck.

[sTiLlLeArNiNg]

Ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you. It show good faith & a real interest in saving the marraige. It is usually the woman that makes the offer. But if you make it, it will really show that you are serious about this marriage remaining intact.

Best of luck to you.

+1 sending some good vibe's your way

[Pycroft]

Best of luck...

My BFF is going through some hard times recently. He cheated on his wife...he has two kids, and they were going to spend some time apart. They decided to work through it together, and it's getting better...slowly, but surely. I wish you the best!

[superjunior]

hope all works out for the best

[Serendipity]

While it sounds like the kiss of death, I do know people who have survived rough times like these and came out the other side stronger than before, so don't give up hope. Best of luck.

+1

I hope everything works out well.

[AudioGenics]

rent the movie BRAINSTORM with Natalie Woods and Christopher Walken.

ask if your wife would just watch the movie with you,

there is a chapter where Natalie Woods sees their marriage
thru Christopher Walken's (MIND) point of view.

I wish and hope for you the best.......

[Serendipity]

See a marriage counselor.

[bsoko2]

Another bid for Marriage Counselor! Go with an open mind and don't be defensive about things that will come up. It takes hard work from both parties but in the end the trip is worth it. Open mind and don't be defensive.

Bill

[Knucklehead]

1 more vote for the marriage counselor....best of luck!

[dkg999]

+1 on the marriage counselor advice. Not sure how close you are to Ames IA, but Lutheran Social Services in Ames has some pretty good counselors and from the last I heard they were reasonably priced. If you both are serious, then a good counselor can help .......... but keep in mind that a bad counselor will really mess things up. It also takes two, no counselor no matter how good can compensate for one of the people being involved not being serious about resolving the issues.

Of course if all else fails, as one of my best friends will always advise ..... ain't nothing that $1500 and trip to the Bunny Ranch won't get out of your system.

[GV#27]

I recommend getting a copy of the book The Love Dare.http://bhpublishinggroup.com/lovedare/

[schwarcw]

Good luck to the both of you. I hope that it all works out for the best.

[Polkersince85]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Been there myself. My advice, the counselor is not going to work if she has decided to leave. You don't rent 15 fifteen miles away to work things out. Get a lawyer.

[Conradicles]

I recommend getting a copy of the book The Love Dare.http://bhpublishinggroup.com/lovedare/

That is awesome!!!!!!:)

[Retro152]

Mark, wishin you both the best bro. Hope you can work it out.





Pat.

[PSOVLSK]

I recommend getting a copy of the book The Love Dare.http://bhpublishinggroup.com/lovedare/

Agreed. Also, watch the movie Fireproof. It's a movie based on the book.

Best of luck to you.

[4406bbl]

Good luck.

[Keiko]

Words of wisdom from cfrizz. Good luck to you both.

[comfortablycurt]

Ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you. It show good faith & a real interest in saving the marraige. It is usually the woman that makes the offer. But if you make it, it will really show that you are serious about this marriage remaining intact.

Best of luck to you.

+1

Good advice Cathy.



You'll be in my thoughts. I hope everything works out between you.

[messiah]

You CAN work this out man, and the counselor idea is the way to go.

[wutadumsn23]

Wish you luck man, i am going through the same thing, except I was the one "asked" to leave. Things aren't looking good on my end, but hopefully yours will turn out better. Besides, if 50% of marriages end in divorce and mine is heading that way, that means you could be the other half that is going to make it, right? LOL

-Jeff

[Sherardp]

Agreed with Cfrizz bro. Show that enthusiasm to make it work and you're in there. Prayers sent your way bro and hoping for the best with the fam man. I would also suggest a nice dinner date where you talk about mindless things, don't bring up the seperation but just show her a good time, a nice dinner and perhaps a bar afterward. Do some of the things you done to win her over in the beginning, that may really help.

[TSWisla]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I will pray for you both. Realize though, that maybe YOU could use some of the time to yourself too. And like many people suggested, counseling may be the best thing for both of you. All the best (coming from a married man with 4 children),

Tom

[woodhead 2]

Try and work it out. My wife is dying of cancer, and she has maybe two weeks left to live. You still have a chance to be with her.

[concealer404]

Try to work it out. But make damn sure she's willing to work at it too. I feel your pain. I just got out of a longish relationship, and it didn't go nearly as well as what you're describing.

Best of luck. :)

[reeltrouble1]

I do send my hopes and prayers that the Lord will look down upon each of you and bless your marriage, I do agree though with your thinking, not good she wants to get a new place without you. It would seem the two of you certainly need someone to help each of you. I can say that people do have the capability within them to adapt to any situation.

Yes, I will think of you.

RT1

[steveinaz]

Usually with issues like this, you already know which way the outcome should swing. The problem is that most people don't want to be honest with themselves, wether for the good or bad. It's not always "someones" fault, it's just that we are different, and sometimes incompatible. I was married for 14yrs and divorced. I knew for many years that I loved my wife, but I didn't like her. I realized that she probably felt the same way. We had very different ideas about life, kids, family, etc. We were incompatible. Neither of us wanted to confront it though, because the thought of divorce was too painful. Eventually things erroded to a point where it was inevitable.

Now I'm married again, but this time I'm happy. I have found someone who shares many of my same values, and was a true friend before she was my significant other. It wasn't until this point, that I realized just how unhappy I was in my first marriage. I think the statement "Marriage takes hard work" is the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard. If it takes alot of work, something is wrong.

Hopefully it swings in the direction you know to be best for both of you. The key to happiness is dealing in the truth of things; there are no short cuts, work arounds or quick fixes.

[Zero]

Steve for da win!

[steveinaz]

The truth of things is reality. Eventually things always come back to the truth, because we have to live in reality to be successful. This is why no matter how much we try to fool ourselves, we end up being the fool. You can't change what "is" and be truly successful at it.

[everpress]

I'm going to have to agree with Steve on the calling "bullshit" on hard work to make it last. At least, so far... I've only been married for 9 years and only one kid so far, though.
BUT I will say that sometimes it's a small thing that is easy to fix that festers into something big and nasty. And it might be really tough to work through that infected area of your relationship to make things right. But that doesn't mean that every aspect of the relationship up to then or from then on out should be hard labor. And sometimes no matter how much it seems like it should work out, that infection has grown so bothersome it's better to amputate.

[steveinaz]

...and to expound a little more, I'm not saying that you don't compromise. Anyone who has spent 24hrs with someone knows that some compromising has to occur. The problem happens when you compromise key values, beliefs---that's a trouble sign.

[dkg999]

Wow! I think Steve has a great 2nd career option as a marriage counselor! Great advice and wisdom. I vote we get Steve his own talk radio show!

[TECHNOKID]

Ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you. It show good faith & a real interest in saving the marraige. It is usually the woman that makes the offer. But if you make it, it will really show that you are serious about this marriage remaining intact.

Best of luck to you.


See a marriage counselor.


Another bid for Marriage Counselor! Go with an open mind and don't be defensive about things that will come up. It takes hard work from both parties but in the end the trip is worth it. Open mind and don't be defensive.

Bill


1 more vote for the marriage counselor....best of luck!


+1 on the marriage counselor advice. Not sure how close you are to Ames IA, but Lutheran Social Services in Ames has some pretty good counselors and from the last I heard they were reasonably priced. If you both are serious, then a good counselor can help .......... but keep in mind that a bad counselor will really mess things up. It also takes two, no counselor no matter how good can compensate for one of the people being involved not being serious about resolving the issues.

Of course if all else fails, as one of my best friends will always advise ..... ain't nothing that $1500 and trip to the Bunny Ranch won't get out of your system.


Sorry to hear of your troubles. Been there myself. My advice, the counselor is not going to work if she has decided to leave. You don't rent 15 fifteen miles away to work things out. Get a lawyer.


...and to expound a little more, I'm not saying that you don't compromise. Anyone who has spent 24hrs with someone knows that some compromising has to occur. The problem happens when you compromise key values, beliefs---that's a trouble sign.Sad to hear (read) about your pain. +1 on the mariage counselor, if you truly love here you have to give your couple a chance however, keep in mind the 2 of you has to be willing to work things out. Advice on lawyer at this point? Good for someone that doesn't care or doesn't have any love left.

Compromise is a key factor of love, you can't avoid this. Counselling might be the key to help you realize where compromising needs to be done/has to occur and if at all feasible. As Steveinaz points out, if values are too much apart, compromise may not be possible since there might not be anywhere in the midle where you can meet or agree to disagree.

Be proactive, seek counselling and get to the bottom of this no matter what the end result is it will free you and allow you to live a happier life. God bless!

[dkg999]

Advice on lawyer - in any situation such as, or similar to, this ....... have an attorney on speed dial. Having the advice of an attorney competent in family law is just plain sensible thinking. What if she gets drunk and kills someone in an auto accident? Does your current liability insurance protect your assets if she is not living in the insured residence? Do you need a separation agreement to protect property or children? Only a spouse that has already made up his/her mind or has ulterior motives is going to be threatened by an attorney being involved.

Some of us have been to this rodeo before.

[gdb]

One lesson I learned while my wife and I were having difficulties is, don't crowd or pressure her, or make a lot of phone calls to her, except when day to day matters need to be discussed. The less contact we had, the more she realized how much she loved and missed me. That was 26 years ago and we've never looked back. Good luck and be strong !!:)

[Peaceman]

I am in the process of hooking up my Polk PSW350 subwoofer, I want to get the best sound possible. I have been seeing terms like: Biwire and crossover
hookups. What is the best to do with the subwoofer hookup?
Any advice deeply appreciated. Thanks

[concealer404]

I am in the process of hooking up my Polk PSW350 subwoofer, I want to get the best sound possible. I have been seeing terms like: Biwire and crossover
hookups. What is the best to do with the subwoofer hookup?
Any advice deeply appreciated. Thanks

Step 1: Start a thread asking this question in the correct forum.


Welcome to Club Polk. :)

[TECHNOKID]

One lesson I learned while my wife and I were having difficulties is, don't crowd or pressure her, or make a lot of phone calls to her, except when day to day matters need to be discussed. The less contact we had, the more she realized how much she loved and missed me. That was 26 years ago and we've never looked back. Good luck and be strong !!:)Great advices! +1

[gdb]

Boy Peaceman, did you ever pick the wrong thread to post your question in!:eek:

[TECHNOKID]

Boy Peaceman, did you ever pick the wrong thread to post your question in!:eek:I was thinking along the same... Definitely the wrong thread and feels ratter rude!

[shack]

I am in the process of hooking up my Polk PSW350 subwoofer, I want to get the best sound possible. I have been seeing terms like: Biwire and crossover
hookups. What is the best to do with the subwoofer hookup?
Any advice deeply appreciated. Thanks

See a counselor...

[everpress]

See a counselor...

:eek:

LOL!

[danger boy]

7 year itch. it's true, lots of couples go through this.. around 7 years into their being together.

I wish you both the best of luck.

[Polkersince85]

Advice on lawyer - ............
Some of us have been to this rodeo before.

My thoughts precisely on seeking legal advice. All too often the situation evolves where one party has moved on mentally and the other tries to cling on to the relationship. In the process of this playing out, one party gets picked apart by the other. There are some good lawyers out there that can provide you with information on what to do and what NOT to do. In any situation such as this, you have to set yourself up to be prepared for the worst possible outcome. Hopefully things will work out between the two of you but protect yourself and your assets.

[raidersrule76]

Thank you all so much for your support and advice, its good to know that in some small way we all have each others backs no matter how small a comment or how big they all mean alot to me. And as fas as peaceman I would agree that you sir have picked the wrong thread to be a jacka$$ in it takes a lot to be a dumbass but yep you did it very well today.

Mark

[potee]

15 years ago went thru this.We went to counseling her idea. we got it together and it's still good. So hang in there it may work with a bit of effort.

[Vdr1973]

Sorry to hear about your situation I have no advice for you that hasnt already
been said.Everyones situation is different, when i went through my divorce I did things
totally wrong and found myself sulking inside the bottle. I hope the bet for you and
GOD BLESS