Duck Hunting in Minnesota
A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Minnesota. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responed, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in Minnesota and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in these parts of Minnesota. We settle small disageements like this with the 'Gofer Three Kick Rule'."
The lawyer asked, "What's that?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local coustom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal fushing from his mouth.
The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Those of you who can't get a flu shot this year might want to give this a try
Lena, the church organist at Coon Ridge Lutheran Church, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on Lena one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Lena had flipped or something...!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
"Miss Lena," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).
"Oh, yes," Lena replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold or flu all winter!"