It was a ......... day

[DSkip]

Today was a great day. We signed the contract on our hopefully soon-to-be new house. We handed over the earnest money and went to Lowe's and got a stainless steel fridge, range, and dishwasher, with all accessories, for less than $1500 delivered/installed. We also have 6 months to pay it off interest-free. It was confirmed that my lazy, sleep-on-the-job (literally), bitch about everything co-worker is working on getting canned very soon. That means better opportunity to get more money for my coming raise.

So what could go wrong? A slammed door in my face and a silent treatment from none other than my father. All because my wife was in a hurry to get to work and didn't bring our son over to let him see him off. I would have rather him get to see him off, but it isn't a necessary ritual. It actually bothered me a bit that my wife was so quick out the door. But I reluctantly followed about 15 feet behind her, opened the glass screen door, started to walk out, and turned around to shut the door, only to see it getting slammed in my face. No exaggeration on the slamming. I swear it shook the house. We came home after all the great news in the first paragraph and started telling my mom about everything that happened while she had a few moments with our son. He sat in his chair 10 feet away ignoring absolutely everything that was going on.

It wasn't an isolated case. On new years we had a poker game and my dad couldn't win a lick. I beat him one hand, he got pissed off, and threw all of his chips at me. The poker game ended abruptly after that. Later that night, he came upstairs to "apologize" to me. His way of apologizing was telling me, "you know I wasn't upset with you, right?" The sad part is, he was a good father up until I got out of high school.

I'm just frustrated at this point. I can't vent to anyone. Everyone thinks my dad is an *******, and I can't say I disagree much anymore. He's not a bad guy, but he does nothing to help his case. He's not a drunk, doesn't have gambling issues, wasn't an absentee father, or anything like that. I want to say he's just too prideful, and has some insecurity with how well my wife and I are doing for ourselves. Hell, he might even be depressed. No clue.

What I do know is that I don't want to have to tell my son years after my father's passing that he wasn't quite the man he remembered him as. I still remember plain as day hearing those exact same words from my father about my grandfather. They were true, too, but that made them no easier to digest.

I can't wait to get out of this house and I'm so glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel now. The stress of living here has been almost unbearable. Cockroaches are starting to sound like a vacation.




Sorry for the rant. I literally have no other place to vent since there are no neutral parties that I can really talk to. I just wish he could put the petty **** to the side and show some sort of interest in the fact that we are making a huge step in our lives.

[mdaudioguy]

First, congratulations on the house - that's big!
Second, I think you hit the nail on the head with depression. Any chance of having a heart to heart talk with him? I wasn't as close to my dad as I wished I'd been. I just really couldn't figure the relationship out. I mean, it wasn't bad at all, but I always felt there was something missing, but there's nothing to be done about that now, because we lost him last year. I think you should do whatever you can to help make it better now.

Ed

PS - I meant to suggest that talking with him could be the start to getting him to get himself some professional help.

[tonyb]

Ever think it's because he's afraid he'll hardly see you or his grandchild ? Old folks have a funny way of showing emotion and concern at times. Take pops out for a beer, no women, have a heart to heart with him.

[george daniel]

^^^^^^^^ yep--mano e mano ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Knucklehead]

Congrats on the house...things will get better from here on out.

[Timothy Smith]

I lost my Dad to cancer last summer. I am 52, he was 76.

Growing up I always thought he was kind of a hard-ass to me and my older brother. Maybe easier on the other 3 younger kids.

He always worked very hard, lived clean, but seemed angry a lot of the time, and did not want to allow any disagreement from his kids.

When I got married (29 years now) and had two kids of my own (22 and 17 now), I find out that being a husband and father is not as easy as it looks. That has really humbled me. Turns out that my Dad did a pretty good job. Especially since his Dad died when he was 3 so he did not have role model.

Your Dad may be dealing with some problems, disappointments, or sadness that you don't even know about.

If your Dad is handy and has time, maybe the new house is an opportunity to work with him on getting it ready to move in or fixing up the yard, planning etc. Show him you value his input and ideas. Tell him about the things you admire about him (hard worker, problem solver, do-it-yourself attitude etc.). Have some fun, drink some beer.

I wish I had more time with my Dad. I really miss him every day.

[mrbigbluelight]

Just curious: you wrote "I can't wait to get out of this house ". Were you and your wife living with your dad, and if so, for how long ? Just curious.

[DSkip]

We have been living with them since around Thanksgiving. We planned on being here until around March, when we would get our tax return and have put back enough money to have a sizable down-payment on a house.

[thsmith]

dskip, a lot of men as they get older can be difficult. Has your father had a heart attack ? This will change men as well with a nasty disposition.

You should try to have a heart to heart but don't expect a big aha moment. If he will open up it will take some time.

Congrats on the house and don't worry about your Dad too much.

[renowilliams]

It sounds like your getting things set up nicely with the new house. I know it can be difficult living with a parent when you have your own family. My suggestion would be to try not to let it get you down,as others have said, the issue seems to your dad and what he is dealing with personally. Take a breath and talk to him but I would wait till things are less stressful,perhaps when you are in the new place.

Anyway, good luck

[scottyboy76]

Love the advice on this site, looking at others systems i will never own etc, but this is my favorite part of cp.

These are the moments, for a man to turn to his friends, because he does not have anyone else, it is a special opportunity.

My dad was disabled in his mid fortys with his first of many heart attacks, was dead 8 tough years later.

He went from andy griffith to the great santini plus, around the time i was going from a kid and his buddy, to a young man and someone who should have been his little brother who would be a sponge about life, and a wealth source for our little family, a partner.

I know now it was in part the change from buddy to"rival", as well as heart problems that showed no sign except increased heartburn, in fact the day before his heart attack, he had a complete physical and a clean bill of health.

these times will pass, you cant live others lives. just do what you know is right, the working on your house together could be great, dont beat yourself
up.