Two nuns are walking through Central Park when two thugs jump out, grab them, and start having their way with them. Sister Mary looks up and says "forgive him Father, for he knows not what he does!" Sister Catherine looks over and says "Mine does."
A mathematician and an engineer are each told that they are going to be put in a room in a corner. In the opposite corner of each room is an amazingly beautiful woman, and if he can reach the woman, he can have sex with her. The caveat is, each can only go HALF the distance to the woman at each interval. The mathematician looks dejected and says "Well, that sucks.. if I go half way each time, I can never reach her." The engineer eagerly begins the journey and says "I can get close enough for practical engineering purposes."
After years on the job, a country doctor decides to retire, and as he is cleaning out his office, he finds a box in which he has saved every foreskin of every circumcision he has ever performed. He thinks.. 'these MUST be good for something.' So he takes them down to the leather shop and asks if they can make them into something as a memento of all his years on the job and all the babies he has delivered. The guy says "sure, I'll give it a shot, come back next week." So the doc comes back next week and the guy excitedly hands him a beautiful wallet. The doc says "I gave you that big box of foreskins, and all you were able to make was a wallet?" "Hold on", says the guy, "when you rub it, it becomes a briefcase."