The Official Club Polk Bad Joke Thread

[Erik Tracy]

This is the official CP Bad Joke Thread as inspired by F1nut...


I will be the first to lead off....


Why did the girl blush when she opened the refrigerator?










[wait for it]























[just about there]









Cuz she saw the salad dressing!!! :D:D:D

[nooshinjohn]

why did the 6 get jealous?

.
..

...


....


.......




Because 7 ate 9:D

[Erik Tracy]

Why didn't the shrimp like to share his toys with the other sea creatures....



















































cuz he was 'shellfish'.......

[shack]

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked! the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[hearingimpared]

Did you hear about the guy that sat on an 8" railroad spike?




































































It recked him!

[lightman1]

Recked him, hell!!! Damn near killed him!!!

[greyford1979]

A little boy is taking a bath with his mom. The boy asks, "Mom whats that hairy thing between your legs?" The mom answers, "That's my sponge!" After wards the boy replies, "The babysitter has one of those too, I saw dad washing his face with it the other day:D

[lightman1]

What do you get when a nun falls into a mud hole???





























A nasty habit!

[NotaSuv]

2 pretzels are walking down the streeet















ones a salted

[nooshinjohn]

What do you get when you cross Rosanne Barr with Oprah Winfrey...




















I don't know but I would have sex with it either....

[lightman1]

Warning! Tasteless!!!


Why do farts stink??








So deaf people can enjoy them as well!!!




I warned ya!

[shack]

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Ricky and Bobby.

The three men had always done everything together.

Ricky arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, he said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Ricky said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Bobby in to confirm the identity of the body.

Bobby looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Bobby said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Bobby said, "Well, Bubba had two a-holes."

"What? He had two a-holes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, we never actually seen 'em, but everywhere we went folks used to say, There's Bubba with them two a-holes."

[gdb]

The cannibal cheif was in the middle of a poker game with a few of his warriors when all of a sudden, he threw up his hand and went home.

[byfthalone]

A horse went into a saloon and sat down at the bar....bartender comes up to the horse and said, "hey buddy...why the long face?"

[gdb]

I thought it was Sarah Jessica Parker !?!? Eric Balfour ?!?

[breal74]

Why does Portland, OR never flood?













There is a dyke on every corner!

[Evrythngmatters]

Did you hear that Michael Irvin is coming out of retirement to play for Chicago? No. Well he is . The Bears figured that since they use to have 'The Fridge' that they might as well get a 'Coke' machine too.

[BuckeyeTim]

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?












Quarter pounder with cheese

[HHStuart]

What did the leper tell the hooker?











Keep the tip.

[SDA1C]

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?














Quarter pounder with cheese

F'n priceless this one!

[SDA1C]

Tammy Fae Baker took off all her make up and it was really Jimmy Hoffa!

[polkfarmboy]

Did you hear about the farmers funeral ?................................ There was a big turnip

[niente]

What's the difference between an Oral and a Rectal thermometer......
















The Taste!

[Toolfan66]

SDA1C

[Glowrdr]

Not necessarily a bad joke, but worth passing on either way.


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him..
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she..

[BeefJerky]

Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other:
"Hey, wait up a second. I think I lost an electron"
The first atom replied, "Are you sure?"
The second atom exclaimed, "Yes, I'm positive!"

Why do chemist like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

Why do all the other subatomic particles hate electrons?
Because they are so negative.

What's the difference between Victoria's Secret and a Quantum Theorist?
Victoria's Secret has models that work.

What is a cation afraid of?
A dogion.

What's the difference between chemistry and cooking?
In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.

How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?
A sulfone.

What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
It's CoRnY.

What is carbon dating?
Two diamonds on a night out.

A cloud of argon floats into a bar.
The bartender says, "we don't serve inert gases here".
The argon doesn't react.

[evhudsons]

A cloud of argon floats into a bar.
The bartender says, "we don't serve inert gases here".
The argon doesn't react.

ha ha, that made me laugh!