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  1. #1

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    Default It's Friday, how about something offensive?

    Been a little while since we had a nice, offensive post.

    I'll get things started.

    Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...

    1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you
    are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
    boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
    aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

    2. If you are single and have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
    a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
    itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
    whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...
    "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now
    think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,
    snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
    such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
    only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish
    guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in
    training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in
    a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
    world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
    hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,
    and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
    "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
    artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
    in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

    6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
    types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes
    to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain
    to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all
    the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA
    and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
    "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
    textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
    dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
    wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The
    rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,
    eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the
    passenger seat.

    8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
    vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
    those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching
    any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely
    to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is
    what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

    Cheers,
    Russ
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.

  2. #2

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    Smile that peyote....

    ....is starting to kick in eh? :p

    -Luc
    "I'm sure it's better than it sounds."

    Mark Twains' response, when asked what he
    thought of Wagners music.

  3. #3

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    Default

    Why pussyfoot around? Let's choose somebody's name at random and just torment them? For no good reason.

    George Grand

  4. #4

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    Default

    Originally posted by George Grand
    Why pussyfoot around? Let's choose somebody's name at random and just torment them? For no good reason.

    George Grand
    GGG!

    Gay George Grand





    :p

  5. #5

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    Default

    Not ME you dunderhead. I don't like to be picked on. Somebody else. A name picked at random............... from this list.

    a. Spyderman
    b. Scott T.
    c. Bullwinkle


    George Grand (of the Jersey Grands)

  6. #6

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    Default

    Dunderhead, I LOVE that.

    Can I use that, or do I have to pay royalties like 'Crackpot'?

    Cheers,
    Russ
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.

  7. #7

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    Default

    Don't get me started on your misappropriation of all the good **** I come up with. The list grows longer every day. Yesterday there were a few.

    Crackpot
    Dunderhead
    Rancho de ...........
    "Who'll join ME over at AK?"
    Deep bass that rolls around the room at your knees

    Give me some time and I'll remember the rest. OR, you could just quote me.

    George Grand (of the Jersey Grands)

  8. #8

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    Default

    Okay, who's gonna pick one of the names? Any one of the three picked at random will do.

    George Grand (of the Jersey Grands)

  9. #9

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    Default

    I dunno man... GGG has a nice flaming ring to it!
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  10. #10

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    Default

    Apparently someone has never had their ass kicked (or contemplated the thought) by a walking brick-wall from Jersey in a wife-beater tee, that reaks of rum and brylcreme.

    Cheers,
    Russ
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.

  11. #11

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    Default

    PFFFFFFFFT
    Apparently someone has never met my wife!
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  12. #12

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    Default BTW...

    I'm sorry honey...just kidding:D
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  13. #13

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    Default

    Man Sore. Fun post.

  14. #14

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    Default

    quote:
    5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
    hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,
    and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
    "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
    artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
    in your mouth, you've had a man there, too. :end quote:

    Is regular coffee with 2% milk OK?????

  15. #15

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    Default

    I dont drink coffee. Be a real man, grab a cheerwine.

    Where will you be when the craving hits? :D

  16. #16

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    Default

    Originally posted by Vr3MxStyler2k3
    I dont drink coffee. Be a real man, grab a cheerwine.

    Where will you be when the craving hits? :D
    What the hell is cheerwine??

    Strong, black coffee in the mornings, beer in the afternoon, reverse on weekends or make it all beer...

  17. #17

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    Default

    Originally posted by wlrandall

    Strong, black coffee in the mornings, beer in the afternoon, reverse on weekends or make it all beer...
    I think I have a real Twin in Polk County!

    HBomb
    ***WAREMTAE***

  18. #18

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    Default

    Apparently someone has never had their ass kicked (or contemplated the thought) by a walking brick-wall from Jersey in a wife-beater tee, that reaks of rum and brylcreme.
    How about this guy?
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  19. #19

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    Default Re: It's Friday, how about something offensive?

    Originally posted by RuSsMaN


    2. If you are single and have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
    a dog, but gay
    Hey. I'm single with a cat. I work too much to leave a dog home alone. Besides, chicks dig cats, and they have to bend over much further to pet them. ;)
    The Family
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    Do not one day come to die, and discover you have not lived.
    This is pretty f***ed up right here.

  20. #20

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    Default

    Cheerwine is a soft drink only available in NC, SC, GA

  21. #21

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    Default

    ok, then how would that be funny?
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  22. #22

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    Its not funny...

    I was just making a statement...

    I dont drink coffee

    and "Where will you be when the craving hits" - is their comercial slogan

  23. #23

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    Default

    Originally posted by RuSsMaN
    Dunderhead, I LOVE that.
    9. When a man says "I LOVE this/that/it", he is a certifiable poof. Especially if there is emphasis on "LOVE".

    Now insert mouth wide open... :o

    :D

  24. #24

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    Hmmmmm....now I am starting to understand why Russ has all those pics of guys passed out in the man cave
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  25. #25

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    Talking

    For those who might have a difficult time telling the difference.

    http://www.btinternet.com/~b3ta/gayorstraight/

  26. #26

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    Originally posted by ninerbj
    Hmmmmm....now I am starting to understand why Russ has all those pics of guys passed out in the man cave
    hmmm... and who might you be referring to?

    Henry
    ***WAREMTAE***

  27. #27

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    I dunno Henry, did you by chance have a sore ass with that hangover??
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  28. #28

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    IF, and let me stress the word IF - I'd at least have the Goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.

    Cheers,
    Russ
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.

  29. #29

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    LMAO!!!
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."

  30. #30

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    ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
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