I am losing friends this year. This is the Year Of Losing Friends for me. And honestly, I do not care.
The first friend I lost this year was one of my oldest friends, my friend E. We'd been friends since freshman year in college, so our friendship was bumping up to the two decade mark. Impressive. She looked a little like a young Lynda Carter, the chick who played Wonder Woman, you know? She's getting married. (I think she's getting married THIS WEEKEND. Whoops. I don't recall. I'm not going, you see.)
The mistake I made is not sleeping with her years ago. The advice I will give my son, learned through losing this friend is: "Always sleep with the girl." Don't take the "we're just friends" thing at face value. If you can't sleep with them, don't waste years being friends with them. They will end up getting married and then they don't need male friends who find them attractive -- because then they have a husband. And what will you have? Nothing. Go for the bedpost notch. At least when they get married, son, you'll have THAT.
The second friend I lost this year was a chick with a great last name: "Macchiavelli"! What a great name! Hot chick I met thru a mutual friend and just started talking to about a year or so ago. Turns out, she was not only cute -- looked like the actress Shawnee Smith (you'll have to google that) -- but she was really cool! Liked all the cool stuff I liked! Connery as Bond! She had all the correct answers, and I wanted to really "get to know" her, you know? But... She also had a live-in boyfriend who was a real dick, tracy, and a 13-year-old daughter from a previous goof-up. And right under the coolness, she was psychotic mess. Anyway, I sort of realized that I was serving as the new "vanity friend"; I was saying all the stuff her idiotic, abusive, immature boyfriend was not saying. And I wasn't getting any of the boyfriend's benefits, you know? So, I nipped that in bud. Stopped communicating with her after Jan 1. Recently, she emailed me and said she sort of missed my friendship, and my email back to her had the subject line, "didn't I delete you?" So, that's dead.
And now I think I'm about to lose another friend, my most recent ex (I try to stay friends with chicks). I should be bugged by this, I guess, because I really do like this chick as a friend, but I'm just not. Anyway, her and a friend of her's just spent a few days at the beach with me on vaca. I guess I could have been more "friendly" when we were at the beach, but she's also sort of overbearing and judgemental, and when I'm on vaca I'm just not interested in dealing with crap like that, you know? I just wanna sit on the beach and drink my Rolling Rocks and get drunk and tan. I think she felt that I wasn't being friendly toward her, and she's angry about it and "not speaking to me." (You know, everything's my fault, right?) So, I guess I'm writing her out of this year's lineup as well. (Her birthday is coming up, and this conveniently gets me out of both going to the party and buying her a gift.) :(
Three down. Not many to go. A banner year.
Anyone wanna trade some friends?