the year of losing friends

[Micah Cohen]

I am losing friends this year. This is the Year Of Losing Friends for me. And honestly, I do not care.

The first friend I lost this year was one of my oldest friends, my friend E. We'd been friends since freshman year in college, so our friendship was bumping up to the two decade mark. Impressive. She looked a little like a young Lynda Carter, the chick who played Wonder Woman, you know? She's getting married. (I think she's getting married THIS WEEKEND. Whoops. I don't recall. I'm not going, you see.)

The mistake I made is not sleeping with her years ago. The advice I will give my son, learned through losing this friend is: "Always sleep with the girl." Don't take the "we're just friends" thing at face value. If you can't sleep with them, don't waste years being friends with them. They will end up getting married and then they don't need male friends who find them attractive -- because then they have a husband. And what will you have? Nothing. Go for the bedpost notch. At least when they get married, son, you'll have THAT.

The second friend I lost this year was a chick with a great last name: "Macchiavelli"! What a great name! Hot chick I met thru a mutual friend and just started talking to about a year or so ago. Turns out, she was not only cute -- looked like the actress Shawnee Smith (you'll have to google that) -- but she was really cool! Liked all the cool stuff I liked! Connery as Bond! She had all the correct answers, and I wanted to really "get to know" her, you know? But... She also had a live-in boyfriend who was a real dick, tracy, and a 13-year-old daughter from a previous goof-up. And right under the coolness, she was psychotic mess. Anyway, I sort of realized that I was serving as the new "vanity friend"; I was saying all the stuff her idiotic, abusive, immature boyfriend was not saying. And I wasn't getting any of the boyfriend's benefits, you know? So, I nipped that in bud. Stopped communicating with her after Jan 1. Recently, she emailed me and said she sort of missed my friendship, and my email back to her had the subject line, "didn't I delete you?" So, that's dead.

And now I think I'm about to lose another friend, my most recent ex (I try to stay friends with chicks). I should be bugged by this, I guess, because I really do like this chick as a friend, but I'm just not. Anyway, her and a friend of her's just spent a few days at the beach with me on vaca. I guess I could have been more "friendly" when we were at the beach, but she's also sort of overbearing and judgemental, and when I'm on vaca I'm just not interested in dealing with crap like that, you know? I just wanna sit on the beach and drink my Rolling Rocks and get drunk and tan. I think she felt that I wasn't being friendly toward her, and she's angry about it and "not speaking to me." (You know, everything's my fault, right?) So, I guess I'm writing her out of this year's lineup as well. (Her birthday is coming up, and this conveniently gets me out of both going to the party and buying her a gift.) :(

Three down. Not many to go. A banner year.

Anyone wanna trade some friends?

MC

[TroyD]

Friends of the opposite sex are HIGHLY overrated. It's like getting pumped up about a REALLY cool car.....that you rented from Hertz.

What's the point??

<>

BDT

[dragon1952]

Hmmmm....let's see if I've got this straight. First you don't bonk and wished you had, then you get the chance to and you don't, and then complain because she wanted to and you didn't You lost me man.

[brettw22]

Originally posted by TroyD
It's like getting pumped up about a REALLY cool car.....that you rented from Hertz.

Ouch.....but i WILL be getting that car......just you wait... ;)

[Micah Cohen]

You lost me man.

Yeah, stay with me on this, eh?

First, I didn't bonk and wisht I had. No more non-bonked friends.

Second, I didn't have a chance, and wisht I had, but knew I wouldn't get one, so I ditched that waste of time.

Third, I bonked years ago, don't want to bonk no more with that particular chick, but just would want to stay friends.

Once you bonk, it's okay to be pals. But from now on, I'm thinking that I'm bonking before "being friends." Specially if they're worth bonking. If they're worth bonking, chances are you won't miss em as friends if they don't let you bonk them.

MC

[F1nut]

I'm not even going down this road. :D

[Micah Cohen]

BONK!

[brettw22]

Tom Leykis anyone?

[TroyD]

Originally posted by brettw22
Tom Leykis anyone?

He's all yours, broham. I don't swing that way. :D

BDT

[brettw22]

I could post a picture of my type if you'd like Troy......say the word. :D

[hoosier21]

Micah

Here's some good advise, bonk'em all,

sort the friends out later

[dragon1952]

Micah,
May I suggest you watch the movie "When Harry Met Sally". You will learn that men and women cannot just be friends. Bonking or the thought of same always gets in the way.

[Mjr7531]

Sorry to hear,
Losing friends does kinda suck, for every girlfriend I've had, I've lost contact with em' A year with one, a year with another... Pretty much wasted.

[Ron-P]

:)

[reeltrouble1]

Man Micah is right on, until the bonking is done you cant be friends, if you bonk and then your not friends after, well who cares.

Now the real rub is with g/f of sons, this a total paradox, a double bind if you will. The tension of being of the FATHER, the little pecks, and soft touches. The Thank You so much Poppi, oh, brother, where or where, what or what can a Father-in-law to be bear.

Allright calm down now you sickos.

RT1

[Grolsch]

This'll prolly sound girlish -

You didnt lose a single friend IMO - If they were truly your "friends" at one time, then they still should be today.

I'm not your friend anymore cause you got married.

Grow up dude

J

(BTW, you can still boink married "chicks")

[jdhdiggs]

hmm, wow, I have several female friends that I haven't "bonked" and are still good friends with... Guess I'm just weird or something. I just think if the person is cool to you, be nice back, that's all. No need for rules and what not.

[TroyD]

Not saying that you CAN'T be friends, but you got to resolve the whole bonking issue from jumpstreet, that way everyone is on the same page. Capisce?

BDT

[danger boy]

i have lots and lots of female friends i've NEVER bonked as they say...

errrr... nevermind. :p

[Micah Cohen]

Now the real rub is with g/f of sons...

Actually, this sounds great. This sounds like a reason to have sons! Maybe, my wife's genetics will overpower mine and my son will be good looking and bring home some hotties... And I'll bonk THEM!

"DAD!" "Forget it, son, you have no idea what you're doing, she deserves ME."

Ah, I guess not.

I have chick friends I have no desire to bonk. Great people, female, who are not my style. But, the ones who are my style and who are not going to let me bonk them, I have no need to be friends with. Ultimately, there needs to be bonking. Either before, or after being "friends," pre-marriage to some other loser, there needs to be a bonk in there for me.

Bonk me, and I'll be your friend forever.

Not YOU, but you know... Chicks.

MC

[Grolsch]

"Ultimately, there needs to be bonking. Either before, or after being "friends," pre-marriage to some other loser, there needs to be a bonk in there for me."





Ok Ok !!!!!

I change my mind. You're a pretty cool m0fo and that cracked me up.

you flippin asshound.

J ;)

[michael_w]

Originally posted by Micah Cohen
Actually, this sounds great. This sounds like a reason to have sons! Maybe, my wife's genetics will overpower mine and my son will be good looking and bring home some hotties... And I'll bonk THEM!

"DAD!" "Forget it, son, you have no idea what you're doing, she deserves ME."

Ah, I guess not.

Where I live that is slightly illegal :D

[Toxis]

Originally posted by Grolsch
(BTW, you can still boink married "chicks")

AMEN! Who ever said a ring can block a hole? :p hahaha sorry, had to.

But seriously, you can't complain when one comes back wanting to be friends and you say "Didn't I delete you?" That's you throwing a friendship away, not being thrown away. Can't bitch when you throw it out the window.

[Micah Cohen]

Who's bitchin'? Not me.

And where's it illegal to bonk your son's girlfriends?

(I mean, unless they're like 12 or something. And even then...)

I'll shat up.

MC

[ledhed]

I'd rather have a friend than sex.

[aaharvel]

Originally posted by TroyD
Friends of the opposite sex are HIGHLY overrated. It's like getting pumped up about a REALLY cool car.....that you rented from Hertz.

What's the point??

<>

BDT

with all due respect i disagree. I think opposite sex friends are great. Especially when Alcohol's involved.

:D

[Micah Cohen]

I'd rather have sex with a hot chick and then be friends with them for a long time, than be friends with a hot chick for a long time and never have sex with them.

That's it in a nutshell.

"Son, don't be friends with them until after you bonk them."

Not so hot chicks, or chicks I'm not attracted to ("You wanna bang them too," according to HARRY), I'm not so worried about having sex with. It's just the ones I'm attracted to. If I'm attracted to you, I don't want to be friends till after we have sex.

Nutshell.

MC