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Thread: THE joke thread

  1. #121

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    There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel.
    He got to his room and opened up the Gideon's Bible to page 1,
    then called the front desk and asked the hat check girl to come
    up to his room for dinner.

    After a while he started making passes, she stopped him and
    reminded him he was a holy man.

    "It's OK," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."

    So after a wild night of sex, the hat check girl asked to see
    where in the Bible it says it's okay to have wild, passionate
    sex.

    The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first
    page where someone had written in pencil:

    "The hat check girl puts out!"
    Skynut
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  2. #122

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    Two blondes are having lunch catching up with each other's news.

    "I heard you've given up smoking, is it true?"

    "Yes, I haven't had a cigarette in almost two months."

    "But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret.
    I've tried everything to quit."

    "Well it's really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to
    smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead"

    "Well that's easy for you, but I don't live near the beach"
    Skynut
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  3. #123

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    That last one's good, Skynut!!
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
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  4. #124

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    There's a couple from Saskatchewan driving home from the States, they see a sign that says "Pet skunks for sale"

    The wife begs the husband for it, after a while the husband says fine you can have it but its your responsability. So as they get near the border she says "How can we smuggle this skunk into Canada ? The husband thinks it over and says "just put it up your skirt'' The wife says "well what about the smell?" the husband replies "Hey, if it dies it dies".
    Skynut
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  5. #125

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    The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.

    Dopey leads the pack.

    "Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

    "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

    The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, and answers "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

    In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

    Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

    Dopey turns back. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

    The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
    "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

    This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again,
    Dopey turns around and silences them, with an angry glare.

    Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

    "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

    The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

    "Dopey screwed a penguin!"......
    "Dopey screwed a penguin!"......
    Skynut
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  6. #126

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    Why don't witches wear underwear?

    So they get a better grip on the broomstick.
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  7. #127

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    Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
    doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.

    Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally,
    she agrees, and they make love.

    About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
    "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
    Could we please do it one more time?"

    Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

    Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and
    realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's
    shoulder and asks, "honey please...just one more
    time before I die?" she says, "Of course, dear."

    And they make love for the third time. After this session,
    the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

    Ralph, however, worried about his impending death,
    tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his
    wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
    Do you think we could...?"

    At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I
    have to get up in the morning.

    You don't."
    Skynut
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  8. #128

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    Default Plane to Houston...

    The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.

    The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

    The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."

    The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.

    The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

    The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."

    The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

    The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

    He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." Then she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

    I told her, "First class isn't going to Houston."
    Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support
    group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
    -Drew Carey

    There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
    -Unknown

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  9. #129

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    What does a hairlip dog sound like..?










    MArk, Mark, Mark....

  10. #130

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    A drunk walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
    The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
    The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
    The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
    At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says,










    "Grandpa, go home, you're drunk!

  11. #131

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    SAMURAI


    A powerful Japanese Emperor needed a new Chief Samurai. So he sent out
    a
    declaration throughout the entire known world of that time that he was
    searching for a CHIEF Samurai. A year passed, but only 3 people applied
    for
    the very demanding position.

    A Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai

    The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why
    he
    should be the chief Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box,
    and
    out popped a bumblebee.

    Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground.

    The emperor exclaimed "That is very impressive!"

    The emperor then issued the same challenge to the
    Chinese Samurai, to comein and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The
    Chinese samurai also opened a match box and out buzzed a fly.

    Whoosh! Whoosh! and the fly dropped dead on the ground in four small
    pieces.

    The emperor exclaimed: "That is VERY impressive!"

    Now the emperor turned to the Jewish Samurai, and asked him to
    demonstrate
    why he should be the Chief Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a
    match
    box, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh!

    But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

    The emperor, obviously disappointed, said: "Very
    ambitious!, but why is that gnat not dead?"

    The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said:

    Are you ready,

    Here it comes,


    "Circumcision is not meant to kill.
    Skynut
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  12. #132

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    Quote Originally Posted by jgido759
    The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.

    The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

    The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."

    The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.

    The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

    The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."

    The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

    The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

    He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." Then she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

    I told her, "First class isn't going to Houston."
    ROFL That might be the best one I've read!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
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  13. #133

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    Question: What does Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds?



    Answer: There's twenty of em...



    ouch.
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  14. #134

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    Rofl
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
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  15. #135

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    Quote Originally Posted by LiquidSound
    Question: What does Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds?



    Answer: There's twenty of em...



    ouch.

    I don't care who you are...that's funny. :p
    Skynut
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  16. #136

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    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
    them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to
    build up the required pressure.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
    a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Women will never be equal to men until they can
    walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
    gut, and still think they are sexy.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
    Skynut
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  17. #137

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    A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw
    a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited
    Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

    He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
    Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters
    and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

    At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating
    gator
    in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve
    to
    jump in."

    The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
    everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

    Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the
    gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and
    choke
    holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the
    air
    like some kind of Judo Instructor.

    The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the
    gator
    were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and
    let
    it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly
    climbed
    out of the pool.

    Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

    Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million
    dollars."

    "No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

    The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something You won the bet.
    How
    about half a million bucks then?"

    "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.

    The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
    amazing.
    How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

    Again Leroy said no.

    Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

    Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the
    pool."
    Skynut
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  18. #138

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    Hahahaha! Got some good ones there!
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
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  19. #139

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    Man, my neighbors just called me and told me too shut up and stop laughing!

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    Every night for the past five years, Bob, who is 87, would sneak out of his room at the nursing home and stay with Alice. The wouldn't do anything but as they slept Alice would hold Bob's "maleness" and this would keep him happy. One night Bob did not show up and Alice was worried thinking he may have died. The next morning as Alice looked out her door she saw Bob coming out of Mary's room. Furious, Alice confronted Bob asking him "what does Mary have that I don't have?" With a big smile on his face Bob replies, "parkinsons".

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    A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
    She calls on little TONY.
    He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
    The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
    Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.
    There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
    Which one is married?"
    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
    To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
    Skynut
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    Front L/R RT3000p (Bi-Wired)
    Center CS1000p (Bi-Wired) (under the television)
    Center RT2000p's (Bi-Wired) (on each side of the television)
    Sur FX1000
    SVS ultra plus 2

    www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
    Thanks for looking

  22. #142

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    OHH!! I love that stuff about the democrats and republicans. That's the way to go!!

  23. #143

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    Young Kenny, a hillbilly who moved to Texas, bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. But the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

    Kenny replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back."

    The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

    Kenny said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."

    The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

    Kenny said , "I'm going to raffle him off."

    The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

    Kenny said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

    A month later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

    Kenny said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00."

    The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

    Kenny said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

    Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  24. #144

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    At one point during a soccer game, the coach called one of his 7- year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

    The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

    "Do you understand that what matters is how we play as a team?"

    The little boy nodded yes.

    "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, yell at the referee, or call him an idiot. Do you understand all that?"

    Again the little boy nodded.

    He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb idiot is it?''

    Again the little boy agreed.

    "Good." said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother and father."
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  25. #145

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    Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

    Baxter looks around and ask, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"

    They draw straws. Williams picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

    "Discreet?", Williams says, "I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

    Williams goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.

    Williams declares, "Your husband just lost $500 playing poker and is afraid to come home."

    "Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife.

    "I'll go tell him." says Williams.
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  26. #146

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    Here's a little different presentation of a joke I bet we've all heard:

    Relatives gathered in the waiting room of a hospital, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
    The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
    The doctor quietly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain and $200 for a female brain."
    The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

    The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they've actually been used."
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  27. #147

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    A lady walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch and said,
    "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?"
    "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
    "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
    "Twenty-six."
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  28. #148

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    Answers from the first nutrition expert I've found who seems to really make sense:

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must think logically. What does a cow eat? Hay, grass, and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a leafy green vegetable, and a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of mixed vegetable slop.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Sorry, can't think of a single one! My philosophy is: No Pain. . . Good.

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans... another vegetable!

    I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  29. #149

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    The Smiths were proud of their family heritage. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. More recent ancestors had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.
    They decided to compile a family history to leave a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could handle that chapter of their history tactfully. Two years later, the book was published. It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a real shock."
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  30. #150

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    A man was sitting quietly reading the newspaper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine.

    "Ouch!! What was that for?" he asked.

    "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.

    "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

    "Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

    Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.

    When he came to, he asked, "Now what was that for?"

    She replied, "Your horse called."
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

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