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Thread: THE joke thread

  1. #631

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    Q-What kind of a man was Boaz before he married?
    A-Ruthless

    Q-What do they call pastors in Germany?
    A-German Shepherds

    Q-Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A-Noah, He was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

    Q-Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A-Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

    Q-What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A-Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land and probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

    Q-Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
    A-Sampson, He brought the house down.

    Q-What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
    A-Your Mother ate us out of house and home.

    Q-Which servant of God was the most flagrant law breaker in the Bible?
    A-Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

    Q-Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
    A-The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

    Q-Which Bible character had no parents?
    A-Joshua, son of Nun.

    Q-Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
    A-Because Noah was standing on the deck.

    Q-Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
    A-Yep, it's in the Bible. It says, HEBREWS
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  2. #632

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    A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

    Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

    "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

    "I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

    "Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"

    "I don't remember much after that..."
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  3. #633

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    Signs You're Older Now

    -You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
    -You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
    -Your back goes out more than you do.
    -You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
    -You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
    -You are proud of your lawn mower.
    -Your best friend is dating someone half their age... and isn't breaking any laws.
    -You call Olan Mills before they call you.
    -Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
    -You sing along with the elevator music.
    -You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
    -You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
    -You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
    -You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
    -You make an appointment to see the dentist.
    -You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
    -Neighbors borrow your tools.
    -People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
    -You have dreams about prunes.
    -You answer a question with "because I said so!"
    -You send money to PBS.
    -The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
    -You take a metal detector to the beach.
    -You wear black socks with sandals.
    -You know what the word "equity" means.
    -You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
    -Your ears are hairier than your head.
    -You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
    -You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
    -You got cable for the weather channel.
    -You go bowling without drinking.
    -You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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  4. #634

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    The Proxy Father

    The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to..."

    "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

    "Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

    "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

    "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

    "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

    "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

    "Don't I know!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

    "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

    "Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

    "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

    "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

    "Yes," the photographer said.

    "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward.

    "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh... equipment ?"

    "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

    "Tripod?" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

    "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"
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  5. #635

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    A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,


    when behind him he hears:




    BUMP...





    BUMP...





    BUMP...






    Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.





    BUMP...






    BUMP...






    BUMP...







    Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him






    FASTER..






    FASTER...







    BUMP...








    BUMP...







    BUMP...






    He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.









    However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping











    clappity-BUMP...







    clappity-BUMP...







    clappity-BUMP..






    on his heels, the terrified man runs.






    Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.




    With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.










    Bumping and clapping toward him.






    The man screams and reaches for something, anything,

    but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!










    Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...











    and,





















    (hopefully you're ready for this!!!)










    The coffin stops
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  6. #636

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    OK, that last one was funny.
    HT/2-channel Rig: Sony 50” LCD TV; Toshiba HD-A2 DVD player; Emotiva LMC-1 pre/pro; Rogue Audio M-120 monoblocks (modded); Placette RVC; Emotiva LPA-1 amp; Bada HD-22 tube CDP (modded); VMPS Tower II SE (fronts); DIY Clearwave Dynamic 4CC (center); Wharfedale Opus Tri-Surrounds (rear); and VMPS 215 sub

    "God grooves with tubes."

  7. #637
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skynut
    God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

    Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?
    God said, "Go down into that valley."

    Adam said, "What's a valley?"

    God explained it to him.

    Then God said, "Cross the river."

    Adam said, "What's a river?"

    God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......"

    Adam said, "What is a hill?"

    So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

    He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"

    Adam said, "What's a cave?"

    After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

    Adam said, "What's a woman?"

    So God explained that to him, too.

    Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

    Adam said, "How do I do that?"

    God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."

    And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

    So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

    Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

    God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

    And Adam said

    *

    *

    *

    *

    *

    *

    *
    *

    *

    *

    *

    "What's a headache?
    Irreverent but: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

  8. #638
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skynut
    Q-What kind of a man was Boaz before he married?
    A-Ruthless

    Q-What do they call pastors in Germany?
    A-German Shepherds

    Q-Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A-Noah, He was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

    Q-Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A-Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

    Q-What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A-Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land and probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

    Q-Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
    A-Sampson, He brought the house down.

    Q-What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
    A-Your Mother ate us out of house and home.

    Q-Which servant of God was the most flagrant law breaker in the Bible?
    A-Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

    Q-Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
    A-The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

    Q-Which Bible character had no parents?
    A-Joshua, son of Nun.

    Q-Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
    A-Because Noah was standing on the deck.

    Q-Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
    A-Yep, it's in the Bible. It says, HEBREWS
    Again irreverent but WWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

  9. #639
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    Default Woman's Poem/Men's Poem

    Cathy this is right up your alley:

    >> WOMAN'S POEM
    >>
    >> Before I lay me down to sleep,
    >> I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
    >> One who's handsome, smart and strong.
    >> One who loves to listen long,
    >> One who thinks before he speaks,
    >> One who'll call, not wait for weeks
    >> I pray he's gainfully employed,
    >> When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
    >> Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
    >> Massages my back and begs to do more.
    >> Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
    >> Knows how to answer to "how big is my behind?"
    >> I pray that this man will love me to no end,
    >> And always be my very best friend.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> MAN'S POEM
    >> I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs and big lips
    >> who owns a Bar on a golf course, and loves to send me
    >> fishing and hunting. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****

  10. #640

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    :D WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Very Good Joe! And so true!!!!;) :D
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  11. #641

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    A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
    counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd
    really rather have a job."

    The social worker behind the counter says, "This is amazing, your timing
    is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who
    wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful, nymphomaniac
    daughter.

    You'll have to drive around in is Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
    clothes. Because of the long hours, all your meals will be provided too.
    You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will
    have to satisfy all her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom
    apartment above the garage. And finally, the starting salary is $200,000
    a year."

    The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull****tin' me!"

    The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it
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  12. #642

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    An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

    Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

    In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

    A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

    As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

    The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the **** out of a ghost."

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  13. #643

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    Did you hear about the new very sensitive condum?

    After you screw the babe it will stay around and talk to her.

  14. #644

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    Guy and a babe meet at a bar start talking, like each other and decide to go back to her apartment to hook up.

    They both go into her bedroom and the guy sees fluffy dolls and animals completely covering one wall of her bedroom. h\He shruggs and they start to screw on the bed. After they are done he asks her how he did?

    She says you can take one from the bottom row.

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    St Peter looked up and over 1000 folks from New Orleans were converging on the Pearly Gates.

    Never having had more than one or two persons a day from New Orleans before, he ran to God and asked him what to do. God told him, "Don't worry, St Peter. There's been a terrible flood in NewOrleans. That's the reason for the large number of New Orleanians showing up at once.

    " St Peter ran back to the Pearly Gates and then ran right back to God yelling,"They're gone, they're gone!" God said calmly, "St Peter, those 1000 people from New Orleans could not be gone that quickly." St Peter said, "No, the Pearly Gates! They're gone!"
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  16. #646

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    Default Funny

    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a
    fatal car accident.

    The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for
    St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to
    wonder:

    Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

    When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't
    know.
    This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he
    leaves.

    The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed; and the
    couple
    is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were
    allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it
    all.

    "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together
    FOREVER?"

    After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
    bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in
    Heaven."

    "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things
    don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?

    St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

    "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

    "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a
    priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it would take me to find
    a
    LAWYER?"

  17. #647

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    Default Very Funny

    Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

    Maude: What in the hell is that?

    Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

    Maude: Where did you get it?

    Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

    The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

    "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

    The pharmacist fainted.

  18. #648

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    Default Medical Advances

    An Israeli doctor says, "Medicine in my
    country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out
    of one man, put it in another, and have him
    looking for work in six weeks."
    A German doctor says, "That is nothing, we can
    take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him
    looking for work in four weeks."
    A Russian doctor says, "In my country,
    medicine is so advanced that we can take half a
    heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them
    both looking for work in two weeks."
    The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says,
    "You guys are way behind. Why heck, we just here
    recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put
    him in the White House, and now half the country is
    ooking for work."

  19. #649

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    Default The Flight

    The Flight!


    A flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served food and drinks.

    As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told the passengers that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

    On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

    "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

    She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

    To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

  20. #650

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    OK, here's another.




    A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana, bangs on the bar with his paw, and orders a beer.



    The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings".



    The bear, becoming angry, again demands a beer from the bartender.



    "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings" says the bartender, more forcefully this time.



    The bear, very angry now, says "If you don't serve me a beer right now, I'm gonna eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar!"



    "Sorry" says the bartender, "We don't serve beers to belligerent, bullying bears in bars in Billings".



    So, the bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman sitting there. He comes back to his seat and demands a beer again.



    The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to belligerent, bullying bears
    in bars in Billings who are on drugs".




    The bear says to the bartender "I am NOT on drugs!!!"




    The bartender says to the bear ...






















    "You are now. That was a Barbitchyouate".


    Sorry. :D

  21. #651
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    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She
    was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so
    she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for
    the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a
    lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and
    kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on
    Saturday night.

    He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

    She quietly called him over to her.

    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

    "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

    "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

    "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching
    her>>> eyes in the fire light.

    "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was
    told and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said:

































    "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"

  22. #652
    Banned
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    Default A Really Stupid Sex Addict

    cant believe I fell for this

    A "heads up" for you and any of your guy friends who may be regular Home Depot customers.

    Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

    Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

    I had my wallet stolen August 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.
    Again - please beware!!

  23. #653

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    Default

    Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry again. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

    Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his ass again!"
    Skynut
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    The system Almost there
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    Panamax 5510 power conditioner (for electronics)
    2 PSAudio UPC-200 power conditioners (for amps)
    Front L/R RT3000p (Bi-Wired)
    Center CS1000p (Bi-Wired) (under the television)
    Center RT2000p's (Bi-Wired) (on each side of the television)
    Sur FX1000
    SVS ultra plus 2

    www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
    Thanks for looking

  24. #654

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    Default

    Recent PA Family Law Decision

    Pittsburgh, PA (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a
    Pittsburgh courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling
    over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being
    beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his
    aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that
    family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

    The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
    more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
    the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy
    cried out that they also beat him.

    After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
    that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the
    judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
    should have custody of him.

    After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
    welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Pittsburgh
    Steelers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
    anyone.

  25. #655

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    West Des Moines, IA
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    Default

    BURN!!!
    HT
    Mits WD-65737, DirecTV, Oppo DV-970HD, XBOX ONE, Yamaha RX-A1030, Parasound Halo A23, Rotel RB-985, Music Hall MMF-7, Parasound PPH-100, LSi-15, LSi-C, LSi-FX, LSi-7, PSW-1000, Monster HTS2600

    2 CH
    Parasound Halo P3, Parasound Halo A21, Sutherland Ph.D, VPI Classic 3 w/ 3D arm, Arcam CD72T, B&W 802 S3, Monster HTS2500,

  26. #656

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    Default

    Redneck Love Poem.

    SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE;

    SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.

    SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL

    SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

    PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,

    YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.

    I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,

    BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

    SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE,

    AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,

    BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

    HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

    YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,

    AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YA MOTHER,

    BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

    I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

    BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD.

    JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.

    MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.

    YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY......

  27. #657

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    Default

    A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
    would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
    tricks over and over again.

    There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week
    and began to understand what the magician does in every trick. Once he
    understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:


    "Look, it's not the same hat!"


    "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table!"


    "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"


    The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's
    parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician
    found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course.

    They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went
    on for a day, and another, and another. After a week the parrot finally
    spoke:




    "OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"
    Honoured to be, an original SOPA founding member
    Stuff...

    RTi12's - front
    CSi5 - center
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    RTi4's - surrounds
    SVS PB12-NSD/2 - sub :D :D :D
    Denon 3805
    Rotel RB-985 5-Channel Amplifier
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    Life is Good!

  28. #658

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    Default

    While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

    They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

    Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.

    Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.

    About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy! Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"

    Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba,"I'm thinking 'bout switching back to paper.
    Honoured to be, an original SOPA founding member
    Stuff...

    RTi12's - front
    CSi5 - center
    FXi3's - surrounds
    RTi4's - surrounds
    SVS PB12-NSD/2 - sub :D :D :D
    Denon 3805
    Rotel RB-985 5-Channel Amplifier
    Samsung 3600 BluRay Player


    Life is Good!

  29. #659

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    Default

    Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

    From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
    Honoured to be, an original SOPA founding member
    Stuff...

    RTi12's - front
    CSi5 - center
    FXi3's - surrounds
    RTi4's - surrounds
    SVS PB12-NSD/2 - sub :D :D :D
    Denon 3805
    Rotel RB-985 5-Channel Amplifier
    Samsung 3600 BluRay Player


    Life is Good!

  30. #660

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    Default

    Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

    Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

    Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
    he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont.

    Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

    She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,but down there I am still in mourning."
    He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

    The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.

    She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"
    He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
    Honoured to be, an original SOPA founding member
    Stuff...

    RTi12's - front
    CSi5 - center
    FXi3's - surrounds
    RTi4's - surrounds
    SVS PB12-NSD/2 - sub :D :D :D
    Denon 3805
    Rotel RB-985 5-Channel Amplifier
    Samsung 3600 BluRay Player


    Life is Good!

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