Free Shipping on All Orders 1-866-764-1801

Vist our Online Store
+ Reply to Thread
Page 32 of 47 FirstFirst ... 22 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 42 ... LastLast
Results 931 to 960 of 1392

Thread: THE joke thread

  1. #931

    Member Sales Rating: (21)

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Deep Down the Rabbit Hole
    Posts
    9,610

    Default

    Guy comes home

    Sure enough he catches the Mrs. in the sack with another dude.

    Guy shouts out....What the hell is going on???????

    Mrs. looks at the dude and says..................................



















































    Told you he was dumb.



    RT1
    REEL TIME THEATRE
    Onkyo-TX-NR5007
    B&K 7270 amplifier
    Polk SWA-500 Subwoofer amplifier
    OppO BDP-83
    Pioneer Elite 50"
    Polk LCi-RTS-105;LCi-RTS-C;LCi-RTSFx;LCi80Fx
    Subs-Twin Polk CSW200
    HTS5000


    RABBIT HOLE RIG
    BAT VK-31SE
    VTL MB-450 Signature monoblock
    Wolcott Presence monoblock
    Musical Fidelity kW SACD
    Rega P25/RB600/Clearaudio Aurum Beta
    Acoustech Phono-Pre
    Sound Lab Millenium ELS
    BillyBags Rack
    MIT S1/3 cables
    Shunyata/PS Audio/Virtual Dynamics Power Cords


    Everthing Matters...Tubes Rule...and It's Over until it's Not Over

  2. #932

    Member Sales Rating: (2)

    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    739

    Default

    What does Love mean?

    A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

    "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

    When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "

    Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "

    Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy -age 6 Terri - age 4

    Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 "

    Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8 "

    Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) "

    If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." Nikka - age 6 "

    Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7 "

    Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "

    During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8 "

    My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6 "

    Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5 "

    Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7 "

    Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "

    I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "

    When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an imagination) Karen - age 7 "

    You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8 "
    -izafar

    HT/Gaming
    ------------

    RTi6 Mains
    CSi30 Center
    Fxi 3 Surrounds
    PSW 505 Sub
    ONKYO TX-SR605
    Sony PlayStation 3 BR Player/Gaming
    Nintendo Wii Gaming
    Samsung HP-T4254 Plasma


    Headphone Gear
    -------------------

    Ultrasone Pro 900 Headphones
    Little Dot 1+ Headamp
    Musical Fidelity Vdac 2 with PS3 Power Supply
    Squeezebox Touch

  3. #933

    Member Sales Rating: (1)

    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Salt Lake City, UT
    Posts
    8,008

    Default

    Results of recent research show there are 7 STAGES of sex:

    The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
    This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.

    The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen sex.
    This is when you have been with you partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

    The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

    The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for too long . When you pass each other in the hallway you both say " screw you."

    The 5th kind of sex is called : Religious Sex.
    Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. ( very popular)

    The 6th kind is called : Courtroom Sex.
    This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone .

    And; Last but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called : Social Security Sex.
    You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
    .
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
    .
    http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/7995/meterdq8.gif

  4. #934

    Member Sales Rating: (0)

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington DC
    Posts
    88

    Default Diary of a Snow Shoveler

    Diary of a Snow Shoveler
    Author unknown
    December 8: 6:00 PM.
    It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
    December 9:
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
    December 12:
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
    December 14:
    Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
    December 15:
    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.
    December 16:
    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
    December 17:
    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
    December 20:
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
    December 22:
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.
    December 23:
    Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
    December 24:
    6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.
    December 25:
    Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
    December 26:
    Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
    December 27:
    Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze.
    December 28:
    Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
    December 29:
    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
    December 30:
    Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
    December 31:
    Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
    January 8:
    I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
    Bedroom Stuff 5.1
    Pioneer Elite VSX-82TXS
    Pioneer Elite Blue Ray BDP-05FD
    Monster Power HTS3500
    Harmont Remote 880
    Sony Bravia KDL40S2400
    Polk RTi8's Front
    Polk T20E's Rear
    Polk RM202 Center
    Martin Logan Abyss Sub:D :D ::D

    Basement Stuff 7.1
    Sony STR ES5000
    Sony DVD NC55ES
    Pioneer Elite DVD DV48AV
    Pioneer Elite 910HD
    Monster Power HTS3600
    Harmony Remote 688
    Warfedale Diamond 8.4 Front
    Warfedale Diamond 8.2 Sides & Rear
    Warfedale Diamond 8 Center
    SVS PB12-Plus/2 Sub:D:D :D

  5. #935

    Member Sales Rating: (9)

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Baltimore
    Posts
    2,478

    Default

    Tarzan and Jane were in the woods 2gether. Jane asked Tarzan..."Tarzan have you ever had sex?" Tarzan replies..."Tarzan has sex with tree!" Jane asked again. "Never had sex with a woman?" Tarzan said, "Tarzan has sex with tree!" So Jane proceeds to take off her clothes and lay down.
    Tarzan looks at Jane then kicks her really hard between the legs. She Yelled and asked "Why did you do that?!!!!"


    "Tarzan check for squirrel!"
    Wris****ch--->Crisco

  6. #936

    Member Sales Rating: (5)

    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Vancouver, Canada
    Posts
    871

    Default Bake me a CAKE!

    "R.J." writes:
    >i'm not sure if it is comforting, or scary, to know that there are people
    >this much more stupid than I am, out there.

    >http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_inc/4894446.html


    Heh. Reminds me of this one:

    http://bingweb.binghamton.edu/~tony/cake.jpg

    explained here:

    http://community.livejournal.com/good_eats/507059.html

    An object lesson on the perils of using MS-generated HTML.
    Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.

  7. #937

    Member Sales Rating: (2)

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Bavaria, Germany
    Posts
    1,023

    Default

    A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

    The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."


    The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to his senses by shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

    In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

    The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."


    The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said..."Turn around"

  8. #938

    Member Sales Rating: (9)

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Baltimore
    Posts
    2,478

    Default

    The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

    Then one night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another grenade from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour.

    "I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football and sure enough the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl.

    The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother.

    "Mom", he says in the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you" the old woman says. "You have disappointed us. You are not my son!"



    "Mother, I don't think you understand" pleads the son. "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

    "No! Let me tell you.." his mother retorts, "at this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get assaulted!"

    The old lady pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for moving us to Baltimore!"
    Wris****ch--->Crisco

  9. #939

    Member Sales Rating: (19)

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    8,170

    Default

    Fresh from the shower, a woman stands in front of the
    mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are
    too small. Instead of characteristically telling her
    it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
    suggestion.

    "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day,
    take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them
    for a few seconds."

    Willing to try anything, she takes a piece of toilet
    paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it
    between her breasts asks, "How long will this take?"

    "They will grow larger over a period of years," her
    husband replied.

    She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of
    toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my
    breasts larger over the years?"

    Without missing a beat he says, "No question about it,
    It worked for your ass, didn't it?"
    HT/2-channel Rig: Sony 50” LCD TV; Toshiba HD-A2 DVD player; Emotiva LMC-1 pre/pro; Rogue Audio M-120 monoblocks (modded); Placette RVC; Emotiva LPA-1 amp; Bada HD-22 tube CDP (modded); VMPS Tower II SE (fronts); DIY Clearwave Dynamic 4CC (center); Wharfedale Opus Tri-Surrounds (rear); and VMPS 215 sub

    "God grooves with tubes."

  10. #940
    Banned
    Member Sales Rating: (14)

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    houston
    Posts
    2,395

    Default

    I sent my cat's DNA in and found out he has relatives in Chicago, Stockholm, Cancun and a warrant for his arrest in Tijuana.

  11. #941

    Member Sales Rating: (9)

    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    MO
    Posts
    2,330

    Default

    Lady walks into a Jewelry Store,doesn't see any sales people around...so she walks up to a display case and takes a look...She spots a beautiful diamond ring in the case...she leans over the display case to take a closer look...in doing so she farts.

    She looks around and doesn't see anyone around...little did she know that a sales clerk had walked up behind her and heard the whole thing.

    He walked around the display and asked if there was anything he could help her with.

    She replied that she loved the look of the diamond ring and wondered what the price was.

    The sales clerk said; Lady,if you fart just looking at it,then I can pretty much bet you're going to **** when I tell you what it costs.
    SDA CRS+4.1TL's/Modded SDA 1C's/Modded SDA SRS 3.1 TL's/Modded SDA SRS 2.3TL

  12. #942

    Member Sales Rating: (19)

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    8,170

    Default

    If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers. Some of them are hysterical.

    Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
    A: Keep it in the cow.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

    Q: What is the fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
    A: Nearby.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
    A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome

    Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
    HT/2-channel Rig: Sony 50” LCD TV; Toshiba HD-A2 DVD player; Emotiva LMC-1 pre/pro; Rogue Audio M-120 monoblocks (modded); Placette RVC; Emotiva LPA-1 amp; Bada HD-22 tube CDP (modded); VMPS Tower II SE (fronts); DIY Clearwave Dynamic 4CC (center); Wharfedale Opus Tri-Surrounds (rear); and VMPS 215 sub

    "God grooves with tubes."

  13. #943

    Member Sales Rating: (19)

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    8,170

    Default

    A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
    While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
    The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
    As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment,... I hear someone coming."

    He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

    Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

    Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."


    Astounded, and a little hurt she asked , "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

    Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me."
    HT/2-channel Rig: Sony 50” LCD TV; Toshiba HD-A2 DVD player; Emotiva LMC-1 pre/pro; Rogue Audio M-120 monoblocks (modded); Placette RVC; Emotiva LPA-1 amp; Bada HD-22 tube CDP (modded); VMPS Tower II SE (fronts); DIY Clearwave Dynamic 4CC (center); Wharfedale Opus Tri-Surrounds (rear); and VMPS 215 sub

    "God grooves with tubes."

  14. #944

    Member Sales Rating: (0)

    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Lopatcong Twp., NJ
    Posts
    571

    Default

    An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

    "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell."

    "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

    "What . . . . . .. .. You comma empty handed?"
    Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support
    group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
    -Drew Carey

    There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
    -Unknown

    My DVD Collection

  15. #945

    Member Sales Rating: (6)

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    NC/AR
    Posts
    11,295

    Default

    Hahahahaha, good, good!
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  16. #946

    Member Sales Rating: (6)

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    NC/AR
    Posts
    11,295

    Default

    Mapleleaf is a golf course here nearby, and hole 10 has a dogleg left right in the middle of it, and there's a big ol' silo on the left edge from days gone by.

    Well, one bright sunny afternoon Bob, his wife, and a friend are out golfing. They get to this hole and Bob's ball ends up being DIRECTLY behind the silo, so his only possibility is to waste a shot by chipping it out into the fairway. However, Bob's friend says, "Hey, why don't you have your wife go around and open the door on the other side of the silo, I'll open the door on this side, and you can just whack it through the silo without losing a stroke."

    Bob likes the idea, and so his wife goes and opens the other door while his friend opens this one. Bob gets out a club, lines up, addresses the ball, and just whacks it through the open doors. While Bob was getting ready to hit, his wife was wondering if everything was alright and was peeking around the door, and ended up getting hit square on the forehead and died instantly.

    Two weeks later Bob's playing the same course with a few different friends. They get to hole 10, and Bob's ball ends up at the same exact location dead behind the silo. He's wondering how to handle it when a friend says, "Hey, why don't I go open the door on the other side of the silo, Mark can open this one, and then you can just hit the ball through the doors without losing a stroke!"

    Bob says, "Oh no, I'm not doing that again! Last time I did that I got a double bogey!"
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  17. #947
    Banned
    Member Sales Rating: (14)

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    houston
    Posts
    2,395

    Default ...

    oops wrong thread. oh well.

    Spike Lee is making a movie about lesbians.

    It's called Lipstick Fever
    Last edited by candyliquor35m; 01-21-2008 at 12:50 PM.

  18. #948

    Member Sales Rating: (6)

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    NC/AR
    Posts
    11,295

    Default

    I rear-ended a car this morning.

    So, there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car…and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
    Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it… He was a DWARF!

    He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
    So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

    And that's when the fight started…
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  19. #949

    Member Sales Rating: (44)

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    INDIANA
    Posts
    2,866

    Default

    LOL! It took me a second.:D

  20. #950

    Member Sales Rating: (8)

    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    11,499

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by audioblissd
    I rear-ended a car this morning.

    So, there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car…and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
    Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it… He was a DWARF!

    He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
    So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

    And that's when the fight started…
    I laughed out loud when I read this one......:D
    "Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right." - Ricky Gervais

    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

    "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson

  21. #951

    Member Sales Rating: (0)

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    693

    Default

    dude, you just made my morning!
    My system

    "The world is an ever evolving clusterf*ck." --treitz3

  22. #952

    Member Sales Rating: (1)

    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Salt Lake City, UT
    Posts
    8,008

    Default

    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

    Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the
    bedroom closet to watch.

    The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet ,
    not realizing that the little boy is in there already

    The little boy says , "Dark in here."

    The man says , "Yes , it is."

    Boy - "I have a baseball."

    Man - "That's nice."

    Boy - "Want to buy it?"

    Man - "No , thanks."

    Boy - "My dad's outside."

    Man - "OK , how much?"

    Boy - "$150"

    Man - "Sold."

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
    in the closet together

    Boy - "Dark in here"

    Man - "Yes, it is."

    Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."

    The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"

    Boy - "$350"

    Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

    A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's
    go outside and have a game of catch."

    The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."

    The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"

    The boy says, "$500"

    The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that..
    that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
    church and make you confess your greed."

    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
    confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says , "Dark in here."

    The priest says , "Don't start that **** again , you're in my closet now."
    .
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
    .
    http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/7995/meterdq8.gif

  23. #953

    Member Sales Rating: (16)

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Andromeda
    Posts
    14,230

    Default

    Walking The DOG

    A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk
    around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'
    'What's that mean?' asked the child. 'Go ask your father. I
    think he's in the garage. The little girl goes to the garage and says,
    'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?

    I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'
    Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can
    go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the
    block.' The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no
    dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

    The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the
    block, so another dog is pushing her home.''

  24. #954
    Banned
    Member Sales Rating: (14)

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    houston
    Posts
    2,395

    Default Definition of confused:

    A baby in a topless bar.

  25. #955

    Member Sales Rating: (1)

    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    York, PA / Mumbai, India
    Posts
    4,474

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by candyliquor35m View Post
    A baby in a topless bar.

    Someone watched "House" last night....
    There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin

  26. #956
    Banned
    Member Sales Rating: (14)

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    houston
    Posts
    2,395

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jdhdiggs View Post
    Someone watched "House" last night....
    No but I saw the commercial for it.

  27. #957
    Banned
    Member Sales Rating: (14)

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    houston
    Posts
    2,395

    Default Definition of a Topless Bar

    A place where men wish they were still babies.

    "Whatcha gonna have big boy, chocolate or vanilla?"

  28. #958

    Member Sales Rating: (1)

    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    OZ
    Posts
    1,579

    Default Circle Flies

    A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Hillary Clinton is attending, and trying to gather more support for her nomination. Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

    As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

    She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called. But I've never heard of circle flies."

    "Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

    "Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

    "No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."

    "That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
    polkaudio speakers: SDA-SRS-2.3 (modified) SDA-2B SDA-CRS+ RT3000p CS400i LF-14 Monitor 7B

  29. #959

    Member Sales Rating: (6)

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    NC/AR
    Posts
    11,295

    Default

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

    That's gold!!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

  30. #960

    Member Sales Rating: (6)

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    NC/AR
    Posts
    11,295

    Default

    An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.

    He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked "What gender is a computer"?
    The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
    The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender, for the following reasons:
    1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
    2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they cause the problem.
    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
    The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender for the following reasons:
    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    My Saga
    Equipment Pictures

    [2CH]
    Rotel RCD-02
    Yamaha KX-W900U
    Sony ST-S500ES
    Denon DP-7F
    Parasound P/HP-850
    Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-35


    [In Storage]
    Yamaha CDR-HD1300
    ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII


    [Car System]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP
    Memphis 16-MCA3004
    Boston Acoustic RC520

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts