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Thread: THE joke thread

  1. #1381

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    Any thread by PFB..




    ;-)
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  2. #1382

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    Quote Originally Posted by Toolfan66 View Post
    Any thread by PFB..




    ;-)
    yes, but do they work with banana plugs?
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  3. #1383

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    Battle of the bands




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    If you can't hear a difference, don't waste your money.

  4. #1384

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    A grasshopper walks into the bar and the bartender says - Hey, I have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says to the bartender - You have a drink named Steve????

  5. #1385

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    A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/ West Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

    The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.

    The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

    The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test."
    In search of accurate reproduction of music. Real sound is my reference and while perfection may not be attainable? If I chase it, I might just catch excellence.

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  6. #1386

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    Quote Originally Posted by treitz3 View Post
    A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/ West Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

    The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.

    The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

    The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test."
    That was funny!!
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  7. #1387

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    A man and a woman were going at it on the sofa when the phone rang.
    "Who was that?" the guy asked.
    "My husband," she replied.
    "Damn, I better get going then," the guy said. "Where was he when he phoned?"
    "You can relax," said the woman. "He said he's downtown playing poker...with you."

  8. #1388

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    A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants. "I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, and linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 2AM, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.' Because I am a man of the cloth, they take my word for it, and I leave."
    The rabbi is impressed, and says: "Let's try it together this evening."
    So the priest books them into a restaurant and at 2AM they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal. Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay. The priest just says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left."
    And the rabbi adds: "And we are still waiting for the change!"

  9. #1389

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    In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news:
    "There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
    Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the fortune tellers lined face, and then at the single flickering candle, and then down at her hands.
    She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing.
    She simply had to know...
    She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked..."Will I be acquitted?"

  10. #1390

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    Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.
    The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."
    Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"
    The surveyors stated, "Well, after our work here, we discovered your farm is not in Minnesota but is actually in Wisconsin!"
    Ole looked at Lena and said, "That's the best news I have heard in a long time. I just told Lena this morning that I don't think I can take another winter in Minnesota."

  11. #1391

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    "Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music." ~ Ronald Reagan

    "I love songs about horses, railroads, land, Judgment Day, family, hard times, whiskey, courtship, marriage, adultery, separation, murder, war, prison, rambling, damnation, home, salvation, death, pride, humor, piety, rebellion, patriotism, larceny, determination, tragedy, rowdiness, heartbreak and love. And Mother. And God." ~ Johnny Cash

  12. #1392

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    WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?






    A drunk man who smelled of
    beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.


    The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered

    with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his

    newspaper and began reading.






    After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"






    The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,

    too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,

    sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."






    The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, Then returned to his paper.






    The priest, thinking about what he had said,

    nudged the man and apologized. "I'm
    very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.

    How long have you had arthritis?"






    The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father.

    I was just reading here that the
    Pope does."



    MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
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