These come from the lady who works in our service department:
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
> married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
> was excellent.
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
> says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
> his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the
> 6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
> of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is
> it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
> 7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
> field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
> inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
> says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
> 8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
> kids were nothing to look at either.
> 9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
> 10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
> day but I couldn't find any.
> 11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
> accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my
> legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've
> cut off your arms!"
> 12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a
> 13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
> 14. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the
> bar tender here?"
> 15. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
> sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
> 16. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
> to the other and says "Dam!".
> 17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
> they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
> proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
> heat it too.
> 18. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
> electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
> replies "Yes, I'm positive."
> 19. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
> Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
> dental medication.
> 20. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
> and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
> tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
> came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
> why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said,
> "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
> 21. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
> One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
> himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
> picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
> also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
> 22. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
> so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
> Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
> God, a rival florist across town thought the
> competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
> close down, but they would not. He went back and
> begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
> rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
> most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
> Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
> Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
> can prevent florist friars.
> 23. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
> of the time, which produced an impressive set of
> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
> made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
> suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this
> is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile
> mystic hexed by halitosis.
> 24. There was the person who sent ten different puns
> to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the
> puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.