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  1. #1

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    Default 2005 Darwin Award Winners

    Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
    bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

    Here then, are the glorious 2005 winners.

    Darwin Award Winner:

    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
    during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
    did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
    and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....


    And now, the honorable mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
    machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
    insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its
    men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
    The chef's claim was approved.

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
    during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
    had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
    found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
    from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
    incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
    waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
    mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
    and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
    days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
    wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
    injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
    he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
    counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
    the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
    the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
    fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
    got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
    money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
    he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
    booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
    at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
    on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
    of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
    grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
    woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
    Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
    car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
    and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
    officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
    Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
    demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
    open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
    rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
    frustrated, walked away.

    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
    a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
    at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
    spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
    to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
    sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
    charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
    'Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

  2. #2
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    Default

    LOL... Pretty good crop this year...
    More later,
    Tour...
    Vox Copuli
    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Old English Proverb

    "It's easy to get lost in price vs performance vs ego vs illusion." - doro
    "There is a certain entertainment value in ripping the occaisonal (sic) buttmunch..." - TroyD
    "Death doesn't come with a Uhaul." - Dennis Gardner

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  3. #3

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    I content that #4 is actually pretty clever. Ballsy, stupid, and clever.

  4. #4

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    I love the Darwin Awards!!!
    Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

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  5. #5

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    I think #6 should have been the winner...
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  6. #6

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    Default Re: 2005 Darwin Award Winners

    Nothing new here...

    Originally posted by F1nut
    Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
    bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

    Here then, are the glorious 2005 winners.

    Darwin Award Winner:

    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
    during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
    did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
    and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
    This was in the Darwin Awards probably 4-5 years ago and at that time it was a guy in Texas. I have also seen a hard copy of a Darwin Awards from about 1993 that my father had hanging up at his desk at work where this same story involved some poor schmuck in Hoboken, NJ.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    And now, the honorable mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
    machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
    insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its
    men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
    The chef's claim was approved.
    This was in the Darwin awards twice that I can remember. I got the first email Darwin Awards I even reciever in 1997 and this story was there involving a guy from Germany. A few years later, someone at school passed around another one which involved some guy in Canada.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
    during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
    had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
    This was in the Darwin awards two years ago involving a guy in Philly. It was there the year before involving a guy in Buffalo and then like 2 years before that it involved a guy in Boston and a 2nd set came out the same year where the location was Washington D.C. The only real shame is that this actually happened in Philadelphia 2 or 3 years ago, I can't remember exactly. All I remember is that we had a massive snowfall that dropped something like 20 inches on the area.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
    found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
    from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
    incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
    waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
    mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
    and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
    days.
    This happend last year in Venezuela last year and South Africa two years before that.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
    wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
    injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
    he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
    This happened 3 years ago in England. That's the only other Darwin appearance that I can remember

    Originally posted by F1nut

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
    counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
    the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
    the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
    fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
    got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
    money, is a crime committed?)
    This one doesn't seem to leave the south and has been purported to have happened in Florida, Texas and Georgia too.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
    he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
    booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
    at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
    on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
    of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
    This actually happened and there is an actual video tape. The video has actually been on World's Wildest Police Videos and several other shows of the sort. The date I remember seeing on the video was in the late 80's like 88 or 89 and it is most defintly NOT from 2004 or 2005.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
    grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
    woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
    Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
    car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
    and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
    officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
    I have seen this one more times as an email joke than a Darwin Award winner but I did see it a couple of times before.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
    Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
    demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
    open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
    rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
    frustrated, walked away.
    Saw this one as an honorable mention last year and was on the list two year before it.

    Originally posted by F1nut

    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
    a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
    at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
    spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
    to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
    sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
    charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
    Defintly not a new one. This story has been around as long as RV's with built-in toilets have been on the market. On top of that, the sewage port is clearly marked sewage, is not even the same physical size as the fuel port AND if one was to open said sewage port, one would quickly realize without further inspection beyond getting a clear whiff that this was CLEARLY NOT the fuel tank. It's bogus just like every other Darwin Award.

    Wanna see for yourself? Check out these books:

    http://search.barnesandnoble.com/boo...52283442&itm=1

    http://search.barnesandnoble.com/boo...52284015&itm=2

    http://search.barnesandnoble.com/boo...52285720&itm=3

    Also, check out this wonderful site called: http://www.snopes.com and virtually any urban legend or email myth can be found to true or false there.

  7. #7

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    Originally posted by Polkmaniac
    I think #6 should have been the winner...
    The winner has to die in the process. Hence the term Darwin. He eliminated himself from the gene pool. Usually most of the honorable mentions die as well. Not this year I guess.

    Check out www.darwinawards.com

  8. #8

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    Jstas, how the hell do you know all that? I'm not doubting or disputing you, just wondering how you knew that.
    Bob Mayo, on the keyboards. Bob Mayo.

  9. #9

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    Originally posted by gmorris
    Jstas, how the hell do you know all that? I'm not doubting or disputing you, just wondering how you knew that.
    snopes.com is the best place to go for debunking chain letters and pics.

  10. #10

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    Geez John, if I knew you didn't have a life I would have included you on the list.

    Maybe from now on I'll put a disclaimer on anything I post when it's from a email that someone sent to me that I found humorous, but didn't search the net to verify the facts because I've got better things to do.
    'Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

  11. #11

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    This maybe be from when he posted his personal account of the white van man incident that you uncovered to be on the internet already :D

    Man that guy can rant and write, **** man take a breath its friday..... and why would you research each and every account listed... I have never seen any of them and think they were all funny and me and jesse arent even that close on the forum.. :) so no sides here...
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  12. #12

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    I think his point was that if it isn't true, it isn't all that funny...

  13. #13

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    Trust me, that was NOT his point.
    'Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

  14. #14
    Old School
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    Waaaaaaaa...
    More later,
    Tour...
    Vox Copuli
    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Old English Proverb

    "It's easy to get lost in price vs performance vs ego vs illusion." - doro
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  15. #15

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    Ok, ok, stop crying. The point was that even if it isn't true it might still be funny (although I agree with Thom) but the simple fact is that these are tired and old stories that have been passed around for decades. They aren't funny anymore because it's just rehashed old crap.

    How do I know? Not only have I been receiving Darwin Awards electronically and in hardcopy since my bulletin board days but I own the books I posted and I can promise you that these stories are in those books and they have been in my possesion for at least three years so they are at least that old. Many of the stories in these books pre-date the Darwin Awards which started circulating around 1992-1993 time frame. So the Darwin Awards stories were old hat when the Darwin Awards started circulating.

    It's not a personal vendetta nor is it about anything concerning any interaction in the past. If any of you think I would waste my time plotting against you well, go out and get a life because I really don't care and I do not have a hidden agenda. In other words, get over yourself.

  16. #16

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    who else would post a mile long post about every thing on that list who wasnt obsessed to some degree? Just simply say, these are old stories


    This forum is made up on many vendetta's from various peoples.... don't exclude yourself now.. :D


    I still think they are funny, and i never heard One of them.
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  17. #17

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    I'm not obsessed. I just don't appreciate being called a liar by some half-baked twit with loose recollections presented as facts. I refuse to post anything without overwhelming evidence to back up my statements. My post itself was not long-winded at all. Infact, my post, minus the quotes, was a mere 24 lines long and that included URLs. I merely copied every story so it was absolutly clear as to what I was referencing so that no one could mis-construe my statements.

    It is just unfortunate that F1nut made the post given the recent history. What is even more unfortunate is that even though you have said in the past you would stay away from me and would appreciate it if I would do the same, you are still trying to instigate a conflict. Get over yourself and accept the fact that you have it wrong and just because you view the forum one way doesn't mean the rest of us do. You have a unique perspective that not many others here share.

  18. #18
    Old School
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    It's 32 lines long on my screen... 37, if you count blanks...
    More later,
    Tour...
    Vox Copuli
    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Old English Proverb

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  19. #19

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    Originally posted by faster100
    This maybe be from when he posted his personal account of the white van man incident that you uncovered to be on the internet already :D
    What's that all about??
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  20. #20

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    << In my best Jim Carey voice >>

    Well, ALLRIGHTY then....

    BDT
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut

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    John , get "OVER" yourself.. you long winded fool. all this over jesse posting some funny ****.. Nah i never agreed to leave you alone, your to damm amuseing to leave alone. Ive been on the rather quiet and calm side lately if i do say so myself... wanna start up again? :D
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  22. #22

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    Originally posted by faster100
    ... wanna start up again? :D
    Let's not and say we did.....

    BDT
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut

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    LOL, I should have better things to do... but jstas just calls for attention with his rants.... This is not my fight so i'm outta here...
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  24. #24

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    Thanks for the laughs Jesse.

    George

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    I got a chuckle out of those, especially #6. :D
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  26. #26
    Old Polk
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    Lightbulb

    :p
    Last edited by BlueMDPicker; 11-11-2006 at 07:15 PM.

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    I don't believe number 4.

    You tell me a bus full of regular folks wouldn't have first started questioning and yelling at the bus driver for not going to their destination? Next, when they did get there, they would all tell the mental hospital employees what did happen. If that wouldn't have worked, you know damn well they would have used physical force to not be taken inside. Also, tell me the workers couldn't tell the 20 "patients" weren't abnormal? Give me a break.

    Other than that, good ones!

  28. #28

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    Originally posted by Jstas

    It is just unfortunate that F1nut made the post given the recent history.
    Huh???
    'Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

  29. #29

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    Man, that's hilarious (true or not)!!! I think 6 was the best, being closely followed by 9.

    ROFL
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
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  30. #30

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    F1Nut's initial post was humorous, nothing wrong with it.

    Jstas's post debunking them was informative, nothing wrong with it.

    The personal **** that followed was simply paranoid and unnecessary.

    Nice.

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