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Thread: Funny Quotes

  1. #1

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    Talking Funny Quotes

    There are some damn funny quotes out there.
    Post as many as you can, but be sure and give credit where credit is due... All of them don't have to be from the forum. If you hear one anywhere, write it down, bring it in here.

    "As a bonus, after 5 beers my system sounds 82% better every time. Guaranteed. Now that's a system tweak... -------- dylan"

    "Oh man, we don't get full frontal of Yoda and his Jedi-green-dingus do we? ------- RuSsMaN"

    here's some random ones

    A day without sunshine is like, well, night

    On the other hand...you have different fingers..

    Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

    The things that come to those that wait my be the things left by those who got there first.

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

    FlASHLIGHT: A case for holding dead batteries

    LITTLE TOE: A device used for finding furniture in the dark.

    If the shoe fits, find another one just like it.

    I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
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    heres one

    second place is the first to lose

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    If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
    - Steven Wright
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    "We all know the tops are better than the bottoms."
    --Russman

    Give War A Chance

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    When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car. -Author Unknown

    Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. -Drew Carey

    Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same. -Oscar Wilde

    What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? -Marilyn Pittman

    Can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot, even He can't eat it? -Homer Simpson

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    Default Re: Funny Quotes

    Originally posted by LiquidSound
    There are some damn funny quotes out there.
    Post as many as you can, but be sure and give credit where credit is due... All of them don't have to be from the forum. If you hear one anywhere, write it down, bring it in here.

    "As a bonus, after 5 beers my system sounds 82% better every time. Guaranteed. Now that's a system tweak... -------- dylan"

    "Oh man, we don't get full frontal of Yoda and his Jedi-green-dingus do we? ------- RuSsMaN"

    here's some random ones

    A day without sunshine is like, well, night

    On the other hand...you have different fingers..

    Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

    The things that come to those that wait my be the things left by those who got there first.

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

    FlASHLIGHT: A case for holding dead batteries

    LITTLE TOE: A device used for finding furniture in the dark.

    If the shoe fits, find another one just like it.

    I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
    wise man say-he who stands on toilet gets high on pot

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    Leave me alone, I'm fine! -Orson Wells' last words
    Welcome to my home, enter of your own free will and leave a bit of the happiness that you bring. -D

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    "an Honorary Degree is like a Nerf dildo, it looks nice..
    but you can't do anything with it" - Robin Williams
    Dodd - Battery Preamp
    Monarchy Audio SE100 Delux - mono power amps
    Sony DVP-NS999ES - SACD player
    ADS 1230 - Polk SDA 2B
    DIY Stereo Subwoofer towers w/(4) 12 drivers each
    Crown K1 - Subwoofer amp
    Outlaw ICBM - crossover
    Beringher BFD - sub eq

    Where is the remote? Where is the $%#$% remote!

    "I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the most of us have...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad..."

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    For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

    Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

    Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

    My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."

    I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.

    Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You're wearing two different colored socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness." Then she asked, "How do you feel?" and I said, "Well, you know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."

    I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.


    all by steven wright.
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    Some people are wise, other are otherwise
    -izafar

    HT/Gaming
    ------------

    RTi6 Mains
    CSi30 Center
    Fxi 3 Surrounds
    PSW 505 Sub
    ONKYO TX-SR605
    Sony PlayStation 3 BR Player/Gaming
    Nintendo Wii Gaming
    Samsung HP-T4254 Plasma


    Headphone Gear
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    Ultrasone Pro 900 Headphones
    Little Dot 1+ Headamp
    Musical Fidelity Vdac 2 with PS3 Power Supply
    Squeezebox Touch

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    Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

    Man who run in front of car get tired.

    Man who run behind car get exhausted.

    Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

    Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

    Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

    Man with one chopstick go hungry.

    Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

    Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

    Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

    Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

    War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

    Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

    Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

    It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

    Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

    Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

    Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

    Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

    Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

    Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

    ----------random email
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    my ex-wife is like a shotgun one cock and she's ready to blow

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    Originally posted by glenn thompson
    my ex-wife is like a shotgun one cock and she's ready to blow
    what time is it when 16 dogs are runing down the road? 15 after 1

    people who write words on walls
    roll their **** in little balls
    people who read those words of wit
    eat those little balls of ****

    what kind of meat does a priest eat? nun

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    Never squat with spurs on...
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    with all the money in the world, there is no need for option

    life is suck

    i get mad, then i get glad

    i am having (insert speaker name here) for sell

    we listen, we wait, but we may not believe you

    -R

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    What was he thinking?! DO DRUGS man! Play like you did in Cream!
    --Micah talking about Eric Clapton
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    "He who dies with the most toys...dies!"
    I'm not saying she's a slut, but if her vagina had a password...it would be password.

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    Eat well, stay fit, and die anyway....
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    -It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses

    ~oh if I have to tell you where this is from I'll follow it up by smacking you~
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    Marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

    -Wayne's World
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  21. #21

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    Originally posted by LiquidSound
    Marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

    -Wayne's World
    you know they say marriage is a great institution-if you like institutions

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