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Thread: Brutal PAYBACK

  1. #1

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    Default Brutal PAYBACK

    """"""""I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

    I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her."""""""""""""
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  2. #2

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    I read that joke too. Pretty good!
    Carl

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by ntculenuff
    """"""""I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

    I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her."""""""""""""
    Wow you've got brass balls!!! I couldn't do that cause I'm married and I think the married guys will agree, that is not conducive to a long term relationship! Boy do I wish I were wrong though, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!

  4. #4

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    i wish i could pull that off but it would be more than sex that i would be missing
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    Quote Originally Posted by hearingimpared
    Wow you've got brass balls!!!
    Relax, it's not like he did it...it's an old joke. :)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sami
    Relax, it's not like he did it...it's an old joke. :)
    Yeah I know but I still wish I would have thought of it!

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    hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)
    .
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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    Quote Originally Posted by brettw22
    hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)
    Brett with his friendly suggestions.

    It only takes a second longer to grab the scroll bar on the right and zip through it buddy.

    Don't be hating. After all, Hearing is a slight loss now, with his impairment and all. :D
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    Quote Originally Posted by brettw22
    hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)
    hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)
    __________________

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Donald Trump (on Michael Jackson)
    I'm sure most days he wakes up and looks in the mirror and says...What the F*&K have I done.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by T_Unit616
    but I am dumb

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by audiobliss
    ...I haven't a clue!!


    I don't know I don't really see anything wrong with that. :)
    Last edited by mrbigbluelight; 09-28-2006 at 02:58 AM.
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  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by audiobliss
    Quote Originally Posted by T_Unit616
    Quote Originally Posted by Donald Trump (on Michael Jackson)
    Quote Originally Posted by mrbigbluelight
    Quote Originally Posted by brettw22
    Quote Originally Posted by hearingimpared
    Quote Originally Posted by ntculenuff
    """"""""I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

    I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her."""""""""""""
    Wow you've got brass balls!!! I couldn't do that cause I'm married and I think the married guys will agree, that is not conducive to a long term relationship! Boy do I wish I were wrong though, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!
    hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)
    I don't know I don't really see anything wrong with that. :)
    I'm sure most days he wakes up and looks in the mirror and says...What the F*&K have I done.
    but I am dumb
    ...I haven't a clue!!
    What seems to be the problem here?

  11. #11

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    I do say that fairly trippy P-thug
    I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore

  12. #12

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    he's not going to get it.

    )

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    Quote Originally Posted by ntculenuff
    You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
    I got that speech from my girlfriend about a month ago. Then I proceeded to mention something about understanding that she was having her period.....

    Let's just say it wasn't pretty after that :(

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by PolkThug
    What seems to be the problem here?

    Between the joke and this spoof on quoting, I am rollin' with laughter! I think Danny needs to check out the Menopause Awareness Thread and learn to be more sensitive to his wife's physical issues....:)

  15. #15

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    my woman always satisfies my needs, but then again what woman would'nt want too.

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    I would've been asleep somewhere around "I just don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

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    well look at that...........scott's back to (try to) show his wit......;) ;)
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  18. #18

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    Ha ha, that was funny:D.
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    Priceless Thuggy! LMAO!
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  20. #20

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    I would've busted one out on her backside.
    Make it Funky! :)

  21. #21

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    I was going to quote from Post #10, but I didn't want to lock up Polk's server.

    ...it was very, very tempting, though.


    That was a "Pull Over, Pull Over, Pull Over, Pull Over" Class post !!! :)
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