Tell me a story about anything

[cnjvh]

I'm sure you all have some interesting stories that have happened to you...entertain me (any subject) :p

No stories about band camp please.

I was riding home late at night with a friend of mine. It was on a back road that ran parallel to a large river. It was raining and windy and we were (of course) driving way too fast for conditions. So we round a corner and oh s*** there a huge tree over the road. We hit it at about 50mph and launched up over it. As soon as we landed, the car did a 180 and shot over the side of a steep embankment that led down to the river. At the edge of the bank is about an 8 foot drop into the river. Now, this is November and the river is about 10 feet deep and moving fast (you can see trees going downstream that have been ripped out of the bank and hear boulders rolling along the bottom...that kind of thing).

So now were sliding down the bank sideways toward the river (with me in the passenger seat closest to the water) and I don't even have time to think "I'm done for" (which would have been the proper line of thought at this point). Suddenly BAM! something hits my door and we stop. I look outside and we had slid up against a tree that was growing out of the edge of the bank and was now preventing us from going over the 8' drop into the water.

We made record time out of that car and back up the hill and flagged down a guy in a toyata 4x4. He had a tow strap and we tried to tow my friends car back up the hill the the Toy couldn't budge it. I called my brother and went home and my friend got his car up the next day (not sure how though).

[AndyGwis]

Damn! I would've been scared $hitless. Glad you survived and walked away from it.

Take some pics of the road, embankment, river, wrecked car, etc. and post them here :) I'm a visual learner.

[Jstas]

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour!

The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed! If not for the courage of the fearless crew The Minnow would be lost. The minnow would be lost!

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle with Gilligan
the Skipper too, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan's Isle.

So this is the tale of the castaways, they're here for a long, long time. They'll have to make the best of things, it's an uphill climb. The first mate and the Skipper too, will do their very best to make the others comfortable, in the tropic island nest.

No phone, no lights no motor cars. Not a single luxury! Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as privative as can be. So join us here each week my friends, you're sure to get a smile from seven stranded castaways, here on "Gilligan's Isle."





Oh, wait, probably wasn't the kind of story you were looking for, huh? Shows you how much of a dork I am, I recalled all that from memory. I'll post a better story later.

[mrbigbluelight]

My balogna has a first name.

[bobman1235]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose....

What?

You've heard this one?

Never mind then.

[auto_pilot]

It was a dark and stormy night...

[cnjvh]

Clearly "anything" was too inclusive!

Tools...

:p

[Jstas]

OK, a better story.

I was with a few friends in the Jersey Pine Barrens 'froadin' (a made up word to shorten "off-roading"). We had just gotten the Jeep CJ put back together. It was rolling with a 360 from a J-10 with an old set of Magnum heads and a 3 speed manual. Side pipes and everything. It was a little beast! We put in axles from the same J-10 to get a wider track width too. That wider track width would allow the Jeep to drive down railroad tracks and straddle both rails. That's important for later.

Well, a friend was going in to the military and getting deployed to Bosnia after his training was finished. So we had about 2 weeks before he left for about 4 years. So we decided to partake in our favorite past time of 'froadin'. We had 6 people and we all wouldn't fit in the Jeep. So the friend who was going to the military got his dad's Pathfinder and took two people with him. I was in the Jeep with two other friends. I was in the passenger seat.

We took off through the woods, driving like crazy people down the dirt access roads. The Pathfinder friend was yelling that he wanted to go faster so we decided to see what the Jeep could do. We quickly pulled away from the Pathfinder and before long, we couldn't even see his headlights in the dust cloud. We got over a rise and hit one of the railroad track crossings and decided to see if we could get air. Yeah, we got air, about 6 feet of it. Came down hard and blew a tire off the rim.

So we get out to put it back on with a tire iron, a lighter and a can of ether. We get the tire back on the rim and spray the ether. Just as we go to light the ether and pop the tire back on the rim, the Pathfinder pulls around the corner and they see a gigantic flash. They pull up scared outta their minds and we had a good laugh.

Then the trash talk started and the friend with the Pathfinder wanted to race down the access road that paralleled the tracks. So we were game and we took off like the rednecks we were. We got ahead of the Pathfinder again and went for about 2 miles. We slowed down and drove up the embankment on to the railroad tracks and took off again. I asked my friend who was driving the Jeep why and he said, "There's a ravine up here and I'm using the railroad bridge to get across it." So we went for another 2 miles on the railroad track at about 40-50 MPH. Yeah, quite stupid but crazy amounts of fun! The Pathfinder though that this was his chance to get ahead.

Not good.

We started to slow down and the Pathfinder is tearing ass ahead of us. We were yelling for him to slow down 'cause of the approaching ravine but he flipped us off, yelled "See ya losers!" and kept going. He got about an 1/8th of a mile ahead of us and we stopped about a 1/4 mile from the bridge. My friend who was driving the Jeep gets on his cellphone and calls his uncle and tells him to warm up the deuce-and-a-half, we'll be along shortly to pick it up after we check that these chuckleheads are ok.

So The Pathfinder speeds off in to the night. We see tailights and then the tailights disappear. The truck goes nose-first into the ravine. We get up to the side of the ravine and turn on all the light bars on thee Jeep. The three morons are crawling out of the Pathfinder which was less than a year old and now it's headlights were looking up at the sky. The driver gets out and yells "THAT WAS F@#$% AWESOME!" We had to pull the guy out of the backseat because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt and got wedged between the front of the back seat cushion and the back of the driver's seat. They were amazingly unhurt, just a little banged up and had some minor burns from the airbags popping. We left them there with the truck and drove back to the uncle's house to pick up the deuce to yank the Pathfinder out of the gully and tow it home.

Found out later that the truck had over $11,000 in damages. The odd thing was that his dad was completely OK with it. The frame didn't get bent either. So it drove just like new when the collision shop got done with it. The friend's dad said "You should have seen the look on the guy's face when he asked "What'd you hit?" and I said "The ground."!"

Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be.

[cnjvh]

I've got a 05 TJ but no way am I that hardcore :-)

[AndyGwis]

Since I have some offroading / froading stories, I'll chime in:

Back when I was 16/17, I was an idiot. I got a 2 door Jeep Cherokee sport, manual transmission, manual doors/windows, for my 16th birthday (or, at least a loan on it from my parents). My buddies got nicer cars for the most part, so I decided that if I put some mud tires on mine, I would just pass it as a semi-cool off-road machine.

Anyway, I'd offroad all the time with my buddy that owned a tricked out Jeep. Mine was super light, stick shift, and pretty fast with a inline-6 190 hp engine. So, while I didn't have four wheel drive, it would fly through most stuff and the manual transmission made mudding a lot of fun (I did get stuck a lot).

One night, I was at a party that was pretty boring. So, I grabbed three friends and told them I'd take them out for some fun. I took them where they were doing some new home development near my house. There would be a long stretch of level ground, then a 6 foot slope/incline. We hit that hard a couple times and got some insane air. One of my friends had been drinking and after the two jumps, he had to puke. . . but, while vomitting, he was saying "THAT WAS F8c&ing AWESOME!" If someone is puking and celebrating at the same time, you know they're having fun.

But, I simply responded, "if you thought that was fun, wait until you see where we're going next." We pile back in, fill up with gas, then head to where they are building the George Bush Turnpike (I-90). You literally had to pull off a busy road, go up a hill, turn onto the half built overpass, drive through some construction cones and "do not enter signs", etc.

We get down where they are constructing the new highway, and it's just a long, winding dirt road, then an old wooden bridge, and a lot of fun. We are tearing it up going about 50 miles and hour (I'd been down there a few times during the day, but never at night) and having a ball. All of a sudden, there is a huge thump and all we can see out the front window is the night sky and a lot of stars. About 50-60 feet later, we land with an even bigger thud. The car comes to an immediate halt, and we all sit there wide eyed with mouth open for a second.

Get out of the car, and both front tires are at 45 degree angles. Eww, that's not good. The axle has a clean break and is in a v-shape laying on the ground. We walk back quite a ways to see what we hit and see finally find the culprit, an 18" high area of limestone that hadn't been excavated yet.

Had to call friends at the party to come pick us up, took them forever to find out how to get there. Then, had to ride with my dad down there that night so he could check the damage (he wasn't exactly happy or understanding); followed by having to lead a tow truck to the site the next day and then drive with my dad behind the tow truck while the jeep stared back at us saying "why would you do this to me?!?!" And, unfortunately, it wasn't the only time my Jeep would look at me and say that.

[BaggedLancer]

My whole life is one story after another......I wouldn't want to bore you though.

[audiobliss]

Wow, those were two good froading stories!

[bobman1235]

I was with a few friends in the Jersey Pine Barrens

Did you happen to see a large Russian with a bullet hole in his head?

[audiobliss]

Here are two stories I told forever ago on another forum...I guess I might as well post 'em up here.

My dad's been a Snap-On dealer for quite a while, and he and I just went out to supper with a retired Snap-On dealer. As you could guess, I got to hear a few stories. I thought I'd share two of them with y'all, as best as I can remember them. I'll refer to them as Dad and Jim.





Jim was on Dad's truck, taking a tour for old time's sake, when he saw a breaker bar which, of course, reminded him of a story. He said he was on his truck one day when a guy came in with a broken breaker bar. The 1/2" piece the sockets attach to (what's that called again?) had been wrung off. He handed Jim the breaker bar and said he needed a replacement. Jim got a new one, handed it to him, and said, "Now Tom, don't use a cheater pipe with this one."

After a few minutes Jim went back into the shop to look after another customer. When he was done with his business, Tom came up to him and motioned for him to follow him. So, Jim went over to Tom's area where he had the new breaker bar with a socket already on a lug nut. Tom grabbed the breaker bar with one arm, pulled up like he was picking up a basket, and proceeded to wring the end off the new breaker bar. He handed the bar back to Jim and said, "I don't use no cheater pipe." Jim said, "Yes sir, Mr. Duke, I'll get you another breaker bar right away, Mr. Duke." In relating the story to us, Jim said this man went from being a 'Tom' to being 'Mr. Duke' in all of two seconds.





While touring Dad's truck, Jim picked up an air drill. Dad said he vividly remembered selling his first one like that, and, of course, told the tale. He said he walked into such and such a shop with it in his hand, and told the owner he needed one of these drills. The owner said, "Nah, that's of no account." Dad told him he should give it a whirl anyways. So, the man got an inch drill bit that he had hewed the end down to 1/2" so it would fit in a 1/2" chuck, put it in the drill, and then hooked the drill to an air hose the size of your wrist. Then he stradled a truck frame, put the bit against the frame, and pulled the trigger. And proceeded to drill right through the frame almost like wood. As soon as he backed the bit out of the truck frame he set the drill on top of his toolbox and said, "I'll take it."

[Jstas]

Man, you guys and your stories are bringin' back memories! I can load this thread up!

I had a friend with a '78 Firebird, alot like the Smokey and The Bandit movies Firebird. He was "restoring" it. Well, the car was a blast to drive but someone had installed a gigantic speaker box in the trunk and did not bother to check the clearances of where he put screws through the floor. Well, he mounted something and ended up putting screws through the top of the fuel tank. So every time he went around a turn hard or hit a good bump, fuel would slosh out of the little holes.

If you had that problem, what would you do? You'd buy a new fuel tank and install it, wouldn't you? I would too.

My friend wouldn't. Not even a used junkyard one from a Camaro. No, he decided he was going to "fix it" and weld it up. Well, he dropped the tank and drained it. Saved the gas out of it too! Cheap bastard. Then he set it out in the middle yard where the sun would hit it every day and it would "dry out". I told him he was asking for trouble. He didn't listen. A month goes by, the car hasn't rolled because the fuel tank is on a stump in the middle of the yard.

The great day of repair comes! He strings an extension cord the thickness of his forearm across the yard and grabs his uncle's stick welder. His uncle notices from the kitchen that something odd is occurring. He goes to the bathroom. That's important.

Meanwhile, I'm standing on the back porch next to the electrical box with the power plug for the 240 socket from the pool filter in it. My friend gets all set up and ready to go. Just then his uncle walks out drying his hands and says to me "What the hell are you two knuckleheads doing?" I said "Me? I ain't doin' nuthing but watchin' him try to kill himself!" Then my friend yells "GO AHEAD!" That was my clue to plug him in. I shouted "You're gonna f@#$%^ kill yourself!" and plugged the welder in. At the second, his uncle realizes what's going on and yells "JEFF! WHAT THE F@#...."


The gas tank goes BOOM! and Jeff flies about 20 feet in the air backwards and lands on his back spread eagle looking at the sky. The gas tank was turned completely inside out and surprisingly not rusted on the inside! His uncle looks at me and says "Why did you stop him?" I said "I tried, even offered to buy him a new tank. He said no, he could fix it. I said "Whatever." and left it at that." He says "But you plugged the welder in?" I said "Hey, man, I'm not a pusher, just an enabler. You want the hard stuff, you gotta talk to Jeff." He looked at me and shook his head.

At this point Jeff is moving and trying to pick up his head. We get over there and his uncle kicks him in the side and says "Get up you dumb f@#$! What the hell is wrong with you?" Jeff looks at him and shouts "DUDE! YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR IN A KUNG FU MOVIE! I SEE LIPS MOVING BUT NOTHING IS COMING OUT!" Then he starts cackling like a hyena. I looked at his uncle, he looks at me and says "He can't hear a damn thing." I asked if we should take him to the hospital. He said "Nah, see if his hearing comes back or if he's peein' blood or something first."

The rest of the day Jeff sat on the couch watching TV with the volume all the way and complaining that he couldn't hear it. His hearing came back and he was just fine but he never lived that day down. I think his uncle still has the gas tank somewhere to remind him of how stupid his nephew can be.

Oh and even though there was a catastrophic boom, thee cops never showed up.

[Bamadude]

When I was in college in the mid 90's co-op work sounded like a good opportunity to get some money and on the job training, so I signed up and moved off to Chillicothe Ohio to work for Mead Paper. I made a lot of good friends in Ohio while co-oping that I still keep in touch with, but none better than Tim and Wade. Tim is a sure nuff country boy from Raleigh who pretty much has you rolling every time he opens his mouth. Wade is a big guy, 6-1 bout 425 from Florida.

Fishing and drinkin became one of our more favorite ways to kill time in the evenings since we usually got off around 3:30 and had nothing to keep us occupied. So one afternoon we picked up some beer at the brew thru and headed off to the lake. Well the beers were going down real smooth but the fish weren’t biting so Tim decides we need to get in this little boat he spotted and head out to “where the fish are”. At first both Wade and I held off with suspicion since the boat seemed a little on the small side, but after a few more beers and a demonstration from Tim lesser wisdom kicked in and we decided to give it a shot. Now this little jon boat had no seats and I was fine with sitting on the bottom, but somehow we ended up sitting on our plastic wal-mart chairs in the boat.

Well surprisingly this was all working out and Tim was beginning to look like a genius since we actually started getting a few bites. But then like a high powered riffle going off, one of the legs exploded on that plastic chair Wade was sitting in. Time seemed to stop as he began a free fall to the bottom of that poor little boat. When he hit the bottom that thing made a lunge like a seesaw and we almost flipped, but didn’t. Instead Wade is pinned against the back corner of the boat with legs in the air and water coming in over his back. It’s a scene I’ll carry with me the rest of my life. No words can describe the moment really. We’re trying to pull Wade up and he’s floppin around all wide-eyed but we can’t stop the water coming in… we’re going down. Tim just dives out of the boat dieing laughing and I follow him. I was laughing so hard I could hardly remember to swim. We finally swim back to the bank all sloppy drunk and wet. We’re watching our chairs and cooler floating around out there as dusk settles. I realize I’m never going to live this one down. Life is good.

[schwarcw]

Tell me all of your lustfull and wanton desires!

[F1nut]

I came, I conquered, I left. End of story.

[TroyD]

...and not a hair moved a millimeter.

Tell me a story..

F**K YOU!

OH! That's one of my favorites.

BDT

[cnjvh]

...and not a hair moved a millimeter.

Tell me a story..

F**K YOU!

OH! That's one of my favorites.

BDT

Does anyone here speak TroyD? I tried babelfish.com but its not in the list...

[F1nut]

BDT spoken here.

[treitz3]

My backyard is splitting in two. How is that for a story? Unfortunately it is real.

[BaggedLancer]

Funny story of the day:

So today I'm sitting around, listening to music and working on my homework when all of a sudden I hear my Carbon Monoxide alarm go off. Damn that thing is loud!

So i run out to my garage, open the garage doors and start to get fresh air into my apartment.

I call my dad, while the alarm is still going off and I ask him what he wants me to do. His response was:

"Unplug it and throw it in the trash if it's going off"

Call my mom and ask her what she wants to do:

"Just unplug it, I'll pick up another one on the way home."

Is it just me or does anyone else notice a problem with both of those responses? Anyway, here I am still sitting in my apartment with the Carbon Monoxide detector unplugged and in the trash.......


End of story.

[bobman1235]

Feeling tired at all, Mark? Light headed? :)

[BaggedLancer]

Feeling tired at all, Mark? Light headed? :)

I'm feeling fine, a bit cold from the doors being wide open. :D

But damn, when I was on the phone and heard those reponses I was like wtf, that's not the response I was looking for.

[Polkitup2]

Ok, here's a story about a girl I once knew...

Mary Anne Burns, queen of all the acrobats, she can do the tricks that will give the guys fits. She can shoot green peas through her fundamental orafices do a back flip and catch em on her tits. She's a great big son-of-a-bitch twice the size of me, with hair on her ass like branches on a tree. She can swim, fish, fight, fu*k, roll a barrel, drive a truck. Mary Anne Burns is the only girl for me.

[Polk addict]

hah! I love froadin' On my bike...

[VR3]

Funny story of the day:

So today I'm sitting around, listening to music and working on my homework when all of a sudden I hear my Carbon Monoxide alarm go off. Damn that thing is loud!

So i run out to my garage, open the garage doors and start to get fresh air into my apartment.

I call my dad, while the alarm is still going off and I ask him what he wants me to do. His response was:

"Unplug it and throw it in the trash if it's going off"

Call my mom and ask her what she wants to do:

"Just unplug it, I'll pick up another one on the way home."

Is it just me or does anyone else notice a problem with both of those responses? Anyway, here I am still sitting in my apartment with the Carbon Monoxide detector unplugged and in the trash.......


End of story.

So are you dead yet?

I'm confused --

How does throwing it away help you?

[audiobliss]

Helps him hear his music more clearly!

[BaggedLancer]

So are you dead yet?

I'm confused --

How does throwing it away help you?

It doesnt help me at all, that is the point. My parents telling me to throw it out makes no sense.....but I am still very much alive.