Clubpolk Santa Letters

**RuSsMaN** · 12-10-2007 02:30 PM

Dear Santa,

I know my behavior has been spotty this year, but I pray to you for forgiveness. You are the only one that can forgive me most merciful Santa. Your compassionate grace is what made blind men walk again, and those who are deaf so funny sounding. Please most gracious and giant Santa, assist me with thy mace, so that I might smite my enemies and cause them permanent damage around the taint when they are glancing away.

I beseech thee, oh Kringle, you must help me. You are my only hope. Boba Fett is near, and he's as horny as a three dollar bill. In return for your forgiveness, oh Jolly-Nick all I ask for is a new car of some sort. Something sporty, but not too "look at me, I have a small penis". Basically, nothing Jesse would drive.

I have a friend named Dorokusai. His real name is Mark, but some people call him Doro. He's my best friend. I hope I don't have to kill him anytime soon. I have another friend named Troy, but I don't like him that much. In fact, one of these days I'm going to chop his head off with a hoe.

I must go now, Subject of 12 days. Please consider my requests and respond only positively, because everyone knows I am the only one that still believes in you, except that Virginia girl. But that was like a hundred years ago, and she's dead. Just like Dale Earnhardt.

Cheers,
Russ

PS, Please pass this to John Ritter when you are finished.

**ninerbj** · 12-10-2007 02:33 PM

Lmao!!!!!

**F1nut** · 12-10-2007 02:59 PM

I drive the Bang Bus, you wish you did.

**BaggedLancer** · 12-10-2007 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by F1nut

I drive the Bang Bus, you wish you did.

haha

**hearingimpared** · 12-10-2007 03:02 PM

ROTFLMAO!!!!

That's the Russ I remember when I first came aboard!

**PolkThug** · 12-10-2007 03:07 PM

I think that's his same letter from '06. That's two years in a row of spotty behavior. :)

**ohskigod** · 12-10-2007 03:07 PM

someone just scored tickets for that Amtrack to Hell :D

**Fireman32** · 12-10-2007 03:39 PM

Wayyyyyyy to funny.

**ohskigod** · 12-10-2007 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by Fireman32

Wayyyyyyy to funny.

I know you got tickets to the train, right next to me.

Grassi or Scott are still going to be the conductor

(inside joke folks, move along....nothing to see here)

**shack** · 12-10-2007 03:48 PM

Dear Santa,

Based on his letter, Russ obviously doesn't deserve ANYTHING. Please pass right over his house and give me all the good stuff (electronics, booze, etc..). All the other stuff you were going to give him like Sponge Bob underwear, soap on a rope w/KY combo set and Michael Bolton CDs you can give to Mark. I think he would appreciate them.

Your friend,

Shack

**Strong Bad** · 12-10-2007 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by shack

Dear Santa,

Based on his letter, Russ obviously doesn't deserve ANYTHING. Please pass right over his house and give me all the good stuff (electronics, booze, etc..). All the other stuff you were going to give him like Sponge Bob underwear, soap on a rope w/KY combo set and Michael Bolton CDs you can give to Mark. I think he would appreciate them.

Your friend,

Shack

Dear Santa:

As an addendum to this letter...

As you pass over Russ' house, have all of the Reindeer drop a steaming pile on his roof!

And if his Dear Santa letter was a cut 'n' paste from a prior year, please deposit a couple of toothless Cajun's on his front lawn playing the "Dueling Banjo's" from Deliverance 24/7 till the end of the year!

John

p.s.

Make sure said Toothless Cajun's, twice daily, tell him he looks just like a hog.

**RuSsMaN** · 12-10-2007 05:09 PM

So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

**Face** · 12-10-2007 05:11 PM

http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/show...ighlight=santa ;)

**Strong Bad** · 12-10-2007 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by RuSsMaN

So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

I can hear the fine tuning of Banjos...

**mrbigbluelight** · 12-10-2007 05:16 PM

Russman is going to hell, get out of the way.

:)

BTW: I don't drive the Bangbus. I'm in the back.

with your sister

:o

**edbert** · 12-10-2007 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by RuSsMaN

So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

Originally Posted by Face

http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/show...ighlight=santa ;)

Russman, looks like someone needs to use the search function. Stinkin' newbs.:D

**TroyD** · 12-10-2007 05:46 PM

Man, it's STILL funny shiite...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BDT

**AndyGwis** · 12-10-2007 05:59 PM

I've already forwarded that to my brother for a gander.

Comedic genius if you ask me. Teach blind men how to walk. . . great stuff all the way around.

I'm thinking of personalizing this and sending it out to my ff league, but I'm afraid they won't appreciate the humor and will insult me for my insolence.

**cfrizz** · 12-10-2007 06:08 PM

Absolutely hysterical. Both last years & this years!

**TroyD** · 12-10-2007 06:13 PM

Oh, and when you guys get to Hell.....I'll be checking ID's at the door.

BDT

**dorokusai** · 12-10-2007 06:52 PM

Dear Santa,

I'm not quite sure what your problem is but stop calling my FN house! Last year the visit was great and the couple phone calls after Christmas were cute but it's officially not funny anymore.

My wife doesn't want to date you and you'll notice I used the word wife right? I'm sick of you sending elves to run her errands and the constant re-gifting is just BS. Christmas in April ha FN ha.

I hope you come here again this year you c***sucker because I'm gonna FN kill you. Loser.

Regards,
Mark

**cfrizz** · 12-10-2007 06:56 PM

Oh Thank you Mark! I just spit sprite all over my monitor!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

**hearingimpared** · 12-10-2007 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by Strong Bad

p.s.

Make sure said Toothless Cajun's, twice daily, tell him he looks just like a hog.

Nahhhh SQUEEEEEEEL like a hog!!!

**Strong Bad** · 12-10-2007 08:28 PM

:D

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LtAkf0UMeLA

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

**RuSsMaN** · 12-10-2007 08:31 PM

http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.shtml

Weeeeee!!!

Gonads and strife.

**George Grand** · 12-10-2007 09:27 PM

Santa you freakin' hump,

Thanks a lot for doing jack **** for me over the last couple years. Like it's really coming off of your ass if Jenny McCarthy is unconscious over here for a few hours huh? You suck and I hope Mrs. Claus holds out on your jolly fat ass for the rest of the season and you have to tear off a piece of elf or some **** like that.

George

**beardog03** · 12-10-2007 09:36 PM

Dear Mark, Russ & Goerge Grand (of the Jersey grands)

Bite me, you aint getting **** !

stop trying to ride my reindeer, and stop humpin my friggin elves....

and if I catch that greasy headed, brill cream wearing SOB crawlin out my window again, it aint gonna be toys I drop down yer chimney..

Now piss off...

Sincerly,

S. Claus

P.S.

Give me back my assless chaps, I know you got them......................Mark

**hearingimpared** · 12-10-2007 09:42 PM

I've got cramps in my sides from laughing so hard!!! **** I'm gonna throw up!!!

**Ricardo** · 12-10-2007 10:06 PM

Dear Santa,

1.-A turntable shaped bed for Joe, that actually spins. Since his wish of making his wife as horny as him was some time ago already and the guy is getting old, please include a one year supply of blue pills.
2.-A two years in home laundry service for Troy, speciallized in getting hair gel out of sheets and pillows. just pay for the in home extra. Bill George Grand for the actual laundry service.
3.-A full year supply of titanium extra hardened clipper blades for Jesse. If it goes beyond your budget, please bill Silverti to break even.
4.-A horny orangutan for Mark. The poor kid has a real problem and the neighbors are tired of watching him make love to the hydrant.
5.-Get rid of that horrible picture of Russ that ambulates this forum. Yes, that one.
6.-A 2,000 WPC amp for Cathy.
7.-Don't let me get banned this year.

**hearingimpared** · 12-10-2007 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by Ricardo

Dear Santa,

1.-A turntable shaped bed for Joe, that actually spins. Since his wish of making his wife as horny as him was some time ago already and the guy is getting old, please include a one year supply of blue pills.
2.-A two years in home laundry service for Troy, speciallized in getting hair gel out of sheets and pillows. just pay for the in home extra. Bill George Grand for the actual laundry service.
3.-A full year supply of titanium extra hardened clipper blades for Jesse. If it goes beyond your budget, please bill Silverti to break even.
4.-A horny orangutan for Mark. The poor kid has a real problem and the neighbors are tired of watching him make love to the hydrant.
5.-Get rid of that horrible picture of Russ that ambulates this forum. Yes, that one.
6.-A 2,000 WPC amp for Cathy.
7.-Don't let me get banned this year.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa ROTFLMAO!!! LOL!

I'm gonna throw up again.

PS: Santa I need about 2000 blue pills please, the big ones!!!

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