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  1. #1
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    Default Things to say or not to a cop

    1. Can I borrow your handcuffs?
    2. Where do you live?
    3. You wouldn't really shoot me would you?
    4. I loved The Village People.

  2. #2
    Audiophile
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    Anything but yes or no sir/ma'am is unacceptable; end of story.

  3. #3

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    Default

    But ociffer, I had to drive, I couldn't walk....
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  4. #4
    GV#27
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    5.Cap this.

  5. #5

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    Default

    Bad cop, no donut!

  6. #6

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    Default

    Can you hold my beer while i get my liscence out?
    I don't read the newsssspaperssss because dey aaaallllllllll...... have ugly print.

  7. #7

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    me no english..

  8. #8

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    Hurry up, give me the damn ticket, the liquor store will close in ten minutes.
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  9. #9

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    You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

  10. #10

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    "I was weaving?...hell i don't even knit.."

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  11. #11

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    When he opens the pad to write a ticket......
    "Yeah, I'll have the double bacon burger basket with fries."

    I worked with a guy who did this that was out speeding in his convertable
    with one of the other guys. Two cops walked up after he was stopped.
    He said the other cop was laughing so hard, he just closed the ticket book
    and stormed back to his car. That would never work for me.

    One I was there for. We had been drinking all night at a college bar in Memphis.
    The guy driving had a Datsun b210(think cramped in back).
    I was already in the back of the car, but the other two passengers
    who were about 6'2" each got into a heated argument over who had to sit in back.
    Memphis PD pulls up. They start asking what's going on. The guys explain
    "Look at that POS. Would you ride in the back of that?"
    Cop 1 asks the driver how much he had to drink that night . He says
    two. Bill, one of the tall guys, yells out "too many, too many!"
    The two cops are laughing like crazy, and just tell us to be carefull going home.

    Story three. Coming back from the beach with two other guys. Case of beer on
    the floorboard in back. Cops pull us over. He asks for ID.
    Guys up front: Sorry, i didn't bring my wallet. The name is Jones. He asks the
    other guy up front. Sorry, I didn't bring my wallet either. The name is Smith.
    He looks at me and says" if your damn name is Johnson, you're all going to jail."
    "Sorry officer, I've got my wallet right here. Yes, they are really a Jones and a Smith."
    He runs the plate and leaves.

    Sorry, no jokes here. Just a misspent youth.
    "The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." --Thomas Jefferson

  12. #12

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    You'll never take my alive copper and run away
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  13. #13

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    ...I don't know, officer. My speedometer only goes up to 85.....
    True story. I though the trooper was going to get a hernia from laughing so hard.
    He wrote me up for 79 in a 65 zone...it was a good day.

  14. #14

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    I always ask to myself, self "What would Zsa Zsa Gabor do"? or "Diana Ross"?? :D
    Huh? Wot?? Dig it :tongue:

    Where can I get me some??

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by lightman1 View Post
    ...I don't know, officer. My speedometer only goes up to 85.....
    True story. I though the trooper was going to get a hernia from laughing so hard.
    He wrote me up for 79 in a 65 zone...it was a good day.
    Good one. I could pull that one day. But hope I don't get the chance.
    Quote Originally Posted by George Grand View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstas View Post
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
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  16. #16

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    Have a little fun like Garbriel Iglesias did. Get in the passengers seat. "He was here a second ago officer.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLMSgbA-_9k
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  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by audiobliss View Post
    Good one. I could pull that one day. But hope I don't get the chance.
    I wasn't being a wise-ass either. I was scared sh#tless and it just popped out of my ugly head! NC Troopers Rock!
    Clocked at 96 mph..stoopid!

  18. #18

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    I got pulled over in a RHD Civic SiR-II in Indy....

    Getting pulled over for 10 over? Sucky.

    Watching the cop walk up to the passenger side door and ask my passenger for her liscence? Priceless.

    "Liscence and registration please."
    "I don't have one."
    "Then how were you.......... shhhhhhhhiiii-------- nevermind."

    And he walked back to his car. He was blushing so bad.
    I don't read the newsssspaperssss because dey aaaallllllllll...... have ugly print.

  19. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by lightman1 View Post
    ...I don't know, officer. My speedometer only goes up to 85.....
    True story. I though the trooper was going to get a hernia from laughing so hard.
    He wrote me up for 79 in a 65 zone...it was a good day.
    That's hilarious!
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  20. #20

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    (works only when raining like hell)

    "you know why I stopped you today?" (as he's getting soaked)

    (big grin) "Yep, sure do! You know why I ran the stop sign?":D

  21. #21
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    1. How come your handcuffs don't have velcro like the ones I use on my wife :D
    2. Are those manboobs or your bullet proof vest :D

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