Free Shipping on All Orders 1-866-764-1801

Vist our Online Store
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Kind of funny

  1. #1

    Member Sales Rating: (0)

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Washington DC

    Default Kind of funny

    Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket TaZer for their anniversary submitted this:
    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
    I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs AWESOME!!!
    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A
    batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
    I'm sitting there a lone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
    The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution:
    there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-B@# %H, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
    The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
    P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
    'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.
    Bedroom Stuff 5.1
    Pioneer Elite VSX-82TXS
    Pioneer Elite Blue Ray BDP-05FD
    Monster Power HTS3500
    Harmont Remote 880
    Sony Bravia KDL40S2400
    Polk RTi8's Front
    Polk T20E's Rear
    Polk RM202 Center
    Martin Logan Abyss Sub:D :D ::D

    Basement Stuff 7.1
    Sony STR ES5000
    Sony DVD NC55ES
    Pioneer Elite DVD DV48AV
    Pioneer Elite 910HD
    Monster Power HTS3600
    Harmony Remote 688
    Warfedale Diamond 8.4 Front
    Warfedale Diamond 8.2 Sides & Rear
    Warfedale Diamond 8 Center
    SVS PB12-Plus/2 Sub:D:D :D

  2. #2

    Member Sales Rating: (14)

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Live Free or Die


    Popular joke 'round these parts. Posted less than a week ago :

    Also several months ago :
    If you will it, dude, it is no dream.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)


Similar Threads

  1. What kind of SDA are these?
    By BaggedLancer in forum Vintage Speakers
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 09-19-2007, 11:18 AM
  2. what kind of amp?
    By whitey240sx in forum Car Audio & Electronics
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 04-06-2003, 12:41 AM
  3. What kind of amp should I buy
    By Brian in forum Car Audio & Electronics
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-01-2003, 03:57 PM
  4. What kind of amp should i buy
    By BlastMaster in forum 2 Channel Audio
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-11-2003, 03:43 PM
  5. What kind of amp to use?
    By avsrule414 in forum Car Audio & Electronics
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 02-10-2003, 01:09 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts