Need a lil support

[kawizx9r]

Before I start, I'd like to add that I hope everything turned out for the better for Mark (raidersrule76).

But now I feel like I'm really at a loss. I know it's quite common to fight with your significant other, and the arguments can get a little heated but today it's taken its turn for the worst. We've had a rough 4 years out of the 7 that we've been together (deploying over and over) but we've gotten past all that. And I haven't exactly been the perfect husband, nor she the perfect wife. We we're getting ready to go out for the day to finally do something that I wanted to do. Keep in mind I've been living in Chicago now for 5 1/2 months and have not done a single thing that I've personally wanted to do. After our huge argument she up and took off. I'm really just shocked above all else that she would do that, and I just have no idea what to do or who to turn to. We have one car and she's taken it. I have no friends and family here or anywhere within reach (not even by phone) to turn to and I really don't know what else to do. I hope she just needed to cool down and went over to her bestfriends house or with her family, because I really want things to work out. I don't know what I'd ever do without her, and am afraid that in her fit of rage to leave that something could happen to her. Really apologize for bringing such issues on an audio forum but I've nowhere else to turn to :(

[John30_30]

Can you text her, tell her she's the most important thing in your life and you hope she can forgive you?
Walk down to the store, buy some flowers and nice wine, put on some mellow music and woo her?

Think hug-thoughts at her, man, until in your mind, her face loses that tight, cranky look. You can do this at least.

[mmadden28]

Sounds like it might be a wake up call to talk some issues out-one of those you don't know what you got till its gone kind of things.

I think I know how you feel, except I haven't felt that way in many years--the uncertainty of the situation, the concern for the safety of you significant other...

I can recall several times in the past where I just left--needed to cool off-didn't do anything but park somewhere and think--but we always worked it out int he end.

I recall one time many many moons ago in my teen years I had just started dating this girl and for a reason unknown to me she just took off--I searched for hours in the dark night--I was sooo concerned--I had visions of seeing a car driving by and my catching a glimpse of her banging on the back window screaming for help -- well nevermind about that--I always fear the worst...then I started thing about our whole relationship and trying to figure out what I did wrong----eventually I found her and it was based on an argument she had with her mom -- had nothing to do with me... but anyway--I know not the same situation-just sharing--

Anyway-leaver a voicemail or something to let her know your thinking of here and how much she means--it can't hurt-good luck

Wait a minute, this is an audio forum?

[Knucklehead]

that sucks Freddy....If you love her dont give up bro. If there is one thing Ive learned after 20 years its "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility" (cant remember who said that). Hope things work out my friend. If all else fails hop on a plane to Virginia.....my kids will drive you crazy! Peace!

David

[Serendipity]

I'd like to help, but I'm not sure as to where to start.

Sometimes we need to step back and see what other things are going on. To see the whole picture. Let her know that you really love her and that you care about her. Like mmadden said, it's one of those you don't know what you got till its gone kind of things.

Hope everything works out for the best.

[concealer404]

I wish i could give some good advice here beyond just getting to her somehow and telling her exactly what you said here.... But i can't.

I've gone against almost every piece of relationship advice given to me throughout my life, and will probably continue to do so. So i'm not real sure what works and what doesn't beyond just telling her how you feel. I was in the same boat as you. Kindof. I didn't get into it here because i knew what everyone's advice would be, and i refused to hear that from the people i see daily AND the people that i interact with through here.

But long story short.... you'll all want to kick me in the nuts. :p

Just tell her how you feel, man. That's all it takes. For better or for worse.

[nooshinjohn]

you got family here bro... I am just a couple hours south and if you need, I will do whatever I can to help.
Keep your head up man as it can only get better.

[cfrizz]

Just because you are a couple doesn't mean you both HAVE to like each others interests. It is perfectly acceptable to have different interests so long as they are not detrimental to both of you & your relationship.

Sounds like to me there is alot more to this & goes much deeper than this one disagreement.

When she comes back, talk honestly with her & find out what's really going on with the 2 of you.

[kawizx9r]

Just because you are a couple doesn't mean you both HAVE to like each others interests. It is perfectly acceptable to have different interests so long as they are not detrimental to both of you & your relationship.

Sounds like to me there is alot more to this & goes much deeper than this one disagreement.

When she comes back, talk honestly with her & find out what's really going on with the 2 of you.

I just had to get out what was last said, and used that as an example that I try to do so much for her and to please her. It goes to show that I continue to compromise for her, and it doesn't seem to stop. Does she seem happy? Not anymore. I appreciate everyone's suggestions, and I've been doing just what everyone else has said. This does extend further than just the debate earlier we had, and I've tried to talk to her about it and find out the cause of things. I do express to her that things get a little rough around here for me, I've left the little family I had in CA. just to come out here so she can finish school. We also came out here because all of her long time friends and family are located here, I've given up alot to meet her needs and I'm the one left in the dust.

[cfrizz]

Well if she is not willing to work with you & compromise, then you have to do what's best for you. A relationship can only work if BOTH are trying to make each other happy. If not, move back to your home state & move on.

[concealer404]

Yeah man.... i mean, her viewpoint might be different, but it definitely doesn't sound like there's equal effort being put forth. At all.

[Sherardp]

If I stand correct you were a Marine, so with that said I know your hardships. If you guys can withstand those times ( some of the most difficult) then you can make it through the tiny things bro. Even though I know you are trying to do the right thing, take out to dinner and discuss the issues at hand.

If that doesn't work, then you can say in your mind and heart that you gave it 110% when and if you decide to move on. Semper Fi bro, and as said you have family here, and to go even further a brother whose been where you been. Rest easy.

[Polkersince85]

Sorry for you troubles. This may be a good weekend to grab a cab and go do what YOU have been wanting to do. Don't sit at home beating your head on the wall.

Take control of your life and if she wants to follow, all the better. If she doesn't, move on.

[kawizx9r]

I really appreciate everyone's concerns, especially John for extending his invitation....and I'd just like to say those are the characteristics of a genuinely kind person. Thank you.

Everything is fine now, it's just the added stress of everything altogether. We will get through this, I know we will. :)

[treitz3]

A successful marriage is giving 115% at all times. From both parties.

[buymesome]

Love must always be sincere

True love will never do anything false

[tonyb]

Sorry to hear this. Matters of the heart are always a tricky thing. Being honest to yourself and your spouse is always a good place to start. I'm in the NW burbs if you ever feel a need for a brew and some conversation. Bring the dogs too!!

[sTiLlLeArNiNg]

Sticky situation :( Hope it all work's out between the both of you :)

[John30_30]

Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal.
Voice: What happened?
Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
Voice: We're sending a squad up.
Uh, uh... negative, negative. We had a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous.

[brettw22]

Just because it's something you want to do doesn't necessarily mean that she has to be there. I understand you WANT her to be there, but when you start tallying up "the things i do for her vs. the things she doesn't do for me" is the day that contempt starts building up.

If you want to go do something, go do it......if she wants to go do whatever she wants to do, let her go do it......there's a difference between compromising and being walked all over. And Cathy's comment about keeping all of those "want to do's" in the context of not being detrimental to the marriage is a good point....as long as your wife doesn't think that (for example) golfing is going to make you cheat on and leave her.......

[Polk user]

I believe the Military takes care of it's own. You should seek counseling for yourself and possibly the wife through your military benefits. They have a MUCH better understanding of what you are going through than anyone else.

Don't let things fester and get worse. You kept this country safe and now it's the countries turn to help you.

[NJPOLKER]

If I were you I'd go out and get laid. It's the greatest therapy anyone can have.

I do wish you the best of luck and will get those capacitors off to you Monday.

[wutadumsn23]

Hey Freddy, hope everything worked out for you, from the sounds of you last post it seems to have done just that. Me and the Mrs. have been going through a rough patch for a month or so now too. Things have worked out so far, and hopefully we are on the road to recovery. Like was said here, if you ever need anything man, you have family here. If I lived closer, you would have been more than welcome drop by for a few beers and some support. Take it easy and I'm gonna PM you my number in case you ever need anything.

-Jeff

[messiah]

Freddy, you and your girl just need to come over and check out our new place!!

[kawizx9r]

Thank you Jeff and Christopher for the added support, goes to show what kind of community we have around here :)

I too hope that things start turning out for the better, it's just an added stress of things lately.

Case you're wondering, no it's not at all audio related. School just takes a toll on things. I can show up with a pair of 1.2's and get the OK for them, but if shes too tired to cook and has a hell of alot of HW and I'm taking care of the dogs and running errands then it can get start snowballing.

One last thing, congratulations on the new place! We kind of fell out of touch but figured that was why we did. I'll have to come on over one of these days :D

[raidersrule76]

Freddy,
I'm glad things are working out so far for you hopefully you 2 can keep things going in the right direction. Trust me I wish I could say the same for me things are not going so well since she moved out she will not answer my phone calls or she will text back asking me what I wanted. Also I realize that its all gossip in a work place setting but I have heard things from some of the people that she works with about her friend. So I guess I will have to wait and see where things go from here. Best of luck to ya bro we all got your back if ya need anything just holler.


Mark

[heiney9]

Sorry to hear things have denegrated to having to file for divorce in a short week. Good luck with your FM sale and future endeavors.

With your recent post it looked like you two were going to work on things.

H9

[kawizx9r]

Sorry to hear things have denegrated to having to file for divorce in a short week. Good luck with your FM sale and future endeavors.

With your recent post it looked like you two were going to work on things.

H9

I thought so too, I was looking into marriage counseling. She just refuses to work on this and put the effort required for us to work. Takes 2 to make a marriage work, not 1.

Thanks though, and it's not the end of the world. Sure things suck but it could be worse right? And it isn't and I'm glad for that.

[heiney9]

Been there once. It sucks.........but life goes on.

[thsmith]

Good luck kawizx9r. Sounds like you have head in the right direction.