I hate John Travolta. I hate that nothing's easy. I hate that my house is chilly inside when it's warm outside. I hate people who don't use their turn signals. I hate people who call me on my hateful cellphone just to chat while they are commuting; the "commute chat." I hate not being able to save money much anymore and I hate chasing clients for the money they owe me. I hate credit card companies and the credit reporting agencies. I hate that I pay for cable TV, and still get commercials. I hate that technology does not really make most things easier, like They promised. (And I hate "Them.") I hate that the weatherman never gets fired for getting it wrong. I hate movie remakes, I hate DVD reissues, and I hate "bonus tracks." I hate Walmart (but I do shop there, and I hate myself for it). I hate that just when I need it my printer runs out of ink. I hate Judd Apatow and all his friends who are ruining all of our childhood cultural memories by using songs and references in unconvincing commercials and crappy movies. (I hate that Seth Rogan guy, who stole my life lock stock & barrel.) I hate inconsiderate people. I hate that guy in that movie who does that hysterical thing. I hate complex handshakes. (I hate handshakes.) I hate my neighbor, whose kids are annoying and whose ugly dog is pooping on my yard. I hate throwaway technology. I hate that one bad shot in JAWS, where the camera is on the severed hand on the beach and a crab "falls into" the shot from above; how'd that happen, Steven? I hate what passes for music today. I hate that if I'm not going to like today's music, that I have to hang out with people I hate because they also don't like modern music. I hate paying bills online. I hate how "the news" is less and less newsworthy. I hate getting what I pay for (and not). I hate super-smart serial killers. I hate that I don't understand how if the government and big companies and Michael Bloomberg are spending billions of dollars on stuff everyday, why's the economy in such trouble? I hate "bromance," and the current guy greeting habit of "hugging." I hate people who insist. I hate kids. I hate being given a gift (and having to show appreciation). I hate that I can't find that important file. I hate the little clicking sound of the ceiling fan turning in the middle of the night. I hate having to be nice. I hate "the Kardashians," whoever they are. I hate dogs. I hate that my fridge ruins food. I hate Jay Leno, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, every role DeNiro has taken since GOODFELLAS. I hate that you can't reach for something without knocking something else over. I hate that other people have touched my library book before me. I hate people who ask, "So, what's your favorite [anything]?" Did I mention that I hate John Travolta?